Hatred

2009-12-02T03:38:00.000-08:00

Aint she cute!!!

I love her so much!

2009-11-30T03:25:00.000-08:00

I've a new member in the house!!!! =)

I call her Darling..

She is so super adorable!..

2009-11-28T23:31:00.000-08:00

Meet Noel up. Went to pick Shine then meet Ryan and Maybeline. Wet to Atlantis. Didn't like "Atlantis". =p!

So decided to go to Arena. As usual the free champange.. =)

Was enjoying when Johnny walked up to me. Asking if I use to sell Tequila. I was like "OMG, it's you!" LOL. Then he wanna treat me drinks then we started daring each other and quess what we ordered?.. WATERFALL~

Awaiting the 1st waterfall.. With Shine!! =p

Me & Johnny

2nd waterfall.. =p

Johnny. Use to be someone who supports me with my Tequila Shots. now good friends?

Waiting for our 3rd waterfall?..

After the 3 waterfall.. =D Don't mind the cam-whoring while we were drunk..

After Arena I was like f-ig drunk. I admit, once again I was crying over my lost love.. as well as the disappointments from friends. Yes. Friends. Forget it.. No one appreciates..

Best thing was I was asked to get outta the cab just cause I was feeling nauseous!

And best of best. Shine lost my whole bag!

I'M DEVASTATED!

2009-11-08T00:17:00.000-08:00

Was super tired initially. Didn't wanna go out. Till Jo called me and reminded me of the super cruel swear we made yesterday and I had to go out. =((

Went outta the house together with Des. Meet Noel downstair and headed down to East Coast Park for 'De Bar's BBQ where we dropped Des at his friend's place.

Got punished by drinking. But I wasn't feeling well so "mummy" gimme chance and allowed me pass my drink to Noel on the sly. =p Shhh~!

Me & Mummy
They call us all 'De Bar Angels'

I'm gonna miss you guys. But like you all said, 'KEEP IN TOUCH'!!!

So after the BBQ, slacked a lil while before Noel and me headed to Sebai. Went there to chill a lil while cause Des was there then headed home.

Was on my way home when Des friends had to call an everyobne got emotional. DUH~ I don't know..

2009-11-07T02:50:00.000-08:00

2nd Nov

Woke up early in the morning and started packing my stuffs. Was so excited! Then met Noel up at my place cause he had to pass me the luggage. YES! I admit. I had no luggage and I wanted that Hello Kitty luggage so badly. =p

After that headed to the airport saying bye to sorrows and the f*ckers. Bought many ciggies at DFS. Like 15packs? And...

Here I am in Thailand!!!!

Reached there and were kinda lost. Was smoking outside the minute we reached. Was asking one guy how we could get taxis. And he joking that we could take his car. So I was like "paeng la". And we laughed and he explained that it would be much more safer. lol!

Got on the taxi. Looking at the map.. And I was so excited I couldn't stop taking photos while I was in the cab..

Called Jie when I was in the cab. At first he didn't believe. Cause I was using Noel's SG number to call. Then he believed. LOL~ Meeting him later!!!!

Our 1st meal. Was so super hungry. and they were like taking such a long time to cook. I have to say.. Now I know why Baby didn't quite like SG food. Cause Thai food is superb!

Outside the hotel. Smoking..

Was meeting Jie in Paragon. Had dinner together. Called him.. my baby. Guess what? He didn't meet me up after all.

Saw this shop really cool and I just had to take this pic. The stuffs they sell are like so expensive. Like a few hundred dollars per item.

Outside Paragon. Meeting Jie and Ice.

Me and Noel.

Me and Jie

Ice, Jie and Noel

Yeap. After that we went to some gay club and Ah Ton came later to join us. Jie gave me a stalk of rose! So sweet!

Went for supper after club. I had so much fun!

3rd Nov

Went shopping..

Having diner with Jie.

Then Jie brought us to 'Platinum' shopping where he headed back to the gym after that. Was shopping like crazy there!!! Spent like few hundreds there lah crap..

Sitting the special taxi.. They call it "tok tok"? Wanted to head back to the hotel while we wait for Jie. End up the taxi uncle was so friendly that we couldn't bare to reject him.

Went to watch the special show. LOL~ So no standard can. Cause those girls were old and ugly. =P

Then was gonna meet Jie. Going see "show". What they say is famous in Thailand. =p But end up went to see 'boys'. Cause Jie don't know where got. Almost died there! At first when we went in we saw them dancing. We were like "okay~"

Then when they had special show we were engrossed seeing something new. Then when they came out for their catwalk, I wanted to run!!! They were wanking and.. .. duh~! I was so scared. Crap..

Then Jie brought us to what they called 'Japan street'

Went to night market shopping. Nice view. But without him by my side.

Supper with Jie after shopping..

4th Nov

Breakfast again..

Out

I did my nails - Gel Extension. Pretty~!

5th Nov

Went to do my hair.. Coloured it blue-black and had it recurled. The effect was drastic! My hair was totally spoilt! I almost cried. Then went to pack KFC back to the hotel for dinner.

Went out to meet Ah Ton 1st. Then met up with Jie and Ice.

Me & Ah Ton =p

Noel, Ah Ton's sis & him

And today Jie gave me 5 stalks of roses..

After club went to eat. Then Ice bought me this thing which I don't know what you call it. It's those thing you put in your cupboard to make it smell nice. Yea. It was shaped in a heart and was really cute!

6th Nov

Went back to 'platunum' shopping again. Cause that day when we went shopping didn't get much stuffs. Why? Cause they close at 7pm. DUh~!

Went back to the hotel chill. Deciding to sleep early. Back to SG tomorrow already.. Sigh~

Having some snacks & cocktails at the hotel lobby

Then went back to the hotel room. Called Ah Ton to disturb him when he ask me to club.

I was surprised the minute I reached his table. So Sweet!!!! I melted the minute he took out the flowers from beneath the table.

Ah Ton gave me this.. =D

After club went to his friend's place where we had 2nd round. Then left his place aroud 6am, not sleeping at all. Got back to the hotel and pack our stuffs when I had a big arguement with Noel. Sigh..

7th Nov

After everything, we finally got back to SG and had MacDonald's for breakfast.. =)

Went to club at night at Zinc. I have to say.. I still wanna stay in Thailand. =(

2009-10-31T02:21:00.000-07:00

Last few days in 'De Bar'. Sigh..

Me & Jo

Me & Dionis

Dephane, Bryan & Me

Me & Noel

Me & Jo on bar top

Jo & Bryan.

Darlings..

Dearest colleagues and regular customers. Sigh~ I guess I was one of the few who didn't cry. Well.. We'll still see each other wouldn't we?.. =/

2009-10-21T01:17:00.000-07:00

Was out studying with Li Han, Jia Wei and Mei Ting. Studying at the Macdonalds near our sch for the coming exams. But no one was really studying I have to say.

After awhile all decided to go home. He was super sweet as before he send me home he actually went to buy food. Bought fried carrot cake for me as dinner as I haven eaten anything the whole day. Even bought one bowl of fish soup afraid that I've no appetite..

Dinner was delicious. When I was done, went dow to meet Yy pass her some stuffs she need. Then she went to settle some stuffs and came back to meet me. I wasn't in the mood to study and we both actually decided to go club!!!

So went down to Zinc. Initially plan was to stay till 2am. End end had a lil arguement and Jo wanted to come to club till 5.3oam!

Me & Yy

Me & Aof

Yy wanted leave at around 3am but came back for me as she was worried.

I even remembered me and Jo saw Mickey and we got so excited we ran towards him and fell flat onn our ass!

And as usual I cried. I couldn't stop thikig about him. It was more ubearable when I'm at the place where I'll see you most often. And when I know I'll see you at places you use to appear yet you don't, the feeling is worse than anything..

Where'd you go baby...

2009-10-17T01:10:00.000-07:00

After work headed down to The Arena agai. Was kinda pissed off initially but end end all the fun made me forget the anger..

My "use-to-be" favourite chocolate-tini. Noel made me hate it. Thanks ah!!!

Me, Mic & Jo

Baby.. I missed you so..

2009-10-13T23:57:00.000-07:00

It was once again Friday. Gotta head d0wn to work again. Was feeling restless and tired. Raining. Super heavy. Met Noel downstair and we headed to 'De Bar' together.

It was kinda emotional but I bet tomorrow's gonna be worse.

It was quiet as usual. Then suddenly Li Han and Terence popped up at my work place so decided to hang out afterwards.

Work ended and we headed down to Sabai Sabai.

Terence got bullied by me and Josephine so badly. He got pulled p to the stage and had to blow like 2secs cause we kinda lied it was his birthday?! =p

Li Han, Me & Ter

Me & Li Han

Me & Ter

Me & Jo

Was on our way home when we girls nearly go into a fight. It actually happened in the club when Jo and one Thai girl started knocking and pushing each other. Eventually things settled down when they shifted table. But happened again when we were about to leave.

I was ok initially when I saw that bitch attempting to run towards us. So in my anger I threw my phone on the floor damaging my beautifully decorated phone and screen protector!!!

When I was home it wasn't the end. I was being bugged by the operations manager there and had to entertain him a lil before Icould go to sleep.

Anyway, Love you guys..

2009-10-09T00:46:00.000-07:00

I've missed him all these while. So much so I couldn't find myself back. All the tears I've been crying everyday.. If oly you were by my side this min..

...

I have to say.. It was a sweet planning.

He picked me up at aroud 6? Went for a dinner at 'Jewel Box' located in Mount Faber. Had a chocolate-tini there but felt it was only so-so. Was about to leave when the waitress presented me with flowers.

Then wet to have a walk at One Fullerton. He wanted bring me on the boat ride there but time didn't permits. So went to try the chocolate-tini there and still I feel 'The Arena' chocolate-tini made by Des was best.

Then off we went to 'De Bar' where I had to start work at 9pm..

After work went to 'The Arena'. Jo wanted go for round 3 after that which created the joke of the day. Cause she was so bent on going for round 3 till 9am and didn't wanna go home!!

But end up we did...

I love the imported pink lilies!!! =D

2009-07-17T04:58:00.000-07:00

Club club club!!! =p

I miss him ad I love him so...

He makes me happy all the times. I admit though we aint able to fid the words to speak to each other at times, but it doesn't matter cause somehow we seem to understand each other without saying things at times. And that's what I feel is things between us..

Jie and Baby.. =)

I love them so. Jie dotes on me so much. Probably cause I'm her youngest sis. =p Baby's so funny. And sometimes I just wonder what's gonna happenn to me when he's gone one day.. Baby is always telling me we can't predict the uture so let's be happy together for now. We've thought about it and made a few plans but I still believe it wouldn't work out. Sigh..

Kid Teung Mak Mak...

2009-07-01T12:15:00.000-07:00

Last minute the JB guy, Cooper, who got me drunk that day called to meet me out for drinks. So called Serena to accompany me to club as well. Then Gerald wanted meet me too so met him over at club.

He was with Jeffery la. Then Jeffery was this uncle who was like so high! Ok. Cooper was also kinda high. Gimme $100 flower(to be hang over necks,given to singers) when I aint even working. So I gave it to the singers though I could exchange it for cash. =p

Kor, Baby, Jeffery & Ah Pyint

He's always making me smile..

Well I had a crazy day and I've to admit I enjoyed myself. Loves..

2009-06-28T12:05:00.000-07:00

As usual was at club. Was waiting for Butter when she left without me! Ass. So went to eat with Baby and Kor they all. They were like talking non-stop about and how displeased they were. Sigh. It's hard to understand their jop scope and really respect and love them for who they are..

Baby got me these lil thingy that I thought were so cute. =)

The Hello Kitty Key Chain was like a blinking thingy. Lol. Though I never thought I'll love those things. But somehow it was lil things that I could look at and think of him. And he gave me his "Stitch". I don't know why he liked "Stitch"so much. Well I was a lil guilty of something bad I did.
Cause he actually excitedly gave me his "Stitch" when I was throwing my tantrum and I pushed him away, dropping "Stitch" and causing the ear to fall off. He was sad. Like so very..

Anyway I loved it.. =) Thanks baby..

2009-06-25T11:51:00.000-07:00

Last minute decided to go JB eat. There wasn't anything to do you see. =p So Kai Da came to fetch me and off we went to JB. =D

Main plan was to go wash car, then while waiting we'll go eat. But end up after everything, we decided to go get some drinks. LOL.

Went to quite a few places before settling down at this really small club. Got 2 bottles of Hoe Garden and stated drinking and chilling. Was standing by the bar. Then came this 2guys who ordered a bucket. Started to keep cheers-ing with us. Just when we finished our bottles, wanted to go off, then they ordered another 2 bottles for us.

So we got to know 'em and stuffs. Then suddenly the table beside came up to us with 2 cups of Henessy. Crap. I was thinking I doubt we'll be able to leave. So end up we both got drunk in JB and ended up clubbing till club close.

Then Kai Da was a lil too tipsy to drive. So we had to rest in the car some where. LOL> Then went back to Singapore. Went to Club look for Butter.

And then after club in the morning go for breakfast. =) Then home. EXHAUSTED!

2009-06-24T08:53:00.000-07:00

Lunch with Baby & Kor. (He loves Sushi like hell!)

Drink drink drink... =D

Work. Josephine..

Club after work..

Dionis & Jeq

Jie, Butter & Jan

The thing between me & you.. "Mai Hai Tur Pai"

Everyday with you is a fear, cause I don't know when you'll leave too.. All your assurance are just words to me without any meaning. Cause deep down you know they mean nothing. But still, I hope things work out fine.

I've been really happy those days with you. You've been trying to tell me how much I mean by calling, meeting me up and stuffs. Most importantly, stopping me from drinking. And to watch out for me though you're working.

Everyday you whine about me not moving on and believing what you said. I tried, gimme time..

I thought.. Maybe I have already did. But why did it still hurt when it happens again?..

2009-06-08T04:08:00.000-07:00

All these while I've been believing in those lies,
Living in the fantasy I assume I was in.
But now that I've finally and suddenly woke up,
Everyday seems to be so painful..

So very painful..

Everyday is drunk drunk drunk...

It's been 2weeks. Almost? But it's been nice having them by my side though he's no longer here for me. They've been taking so great care of me that i no longer seem to have that fear I had since that day. I was thinking how am I suppose to carry on living like nothing happen. But now i guess I don't seem to worry about that anymore!

Thanks my baby, Jie Ling, Butter, Wen Shen, Danial, Jason, Desmond, Veron, and all of you babies yea!!! Mwahs~!

Loves.. s2

I love 'em so!!!!

Danial & Jie Ling

Jie Ling & Jason

Shopping! =p

Club..

The Arena..

I pass them my phone to take our picture. But they took themselves instead.. -_-"

At Dragonfly!!! =D

2009-05-30T07:37:00.001-07:00

2009-02-27T21:12:00.000-08:00

School was great, despite all the stress and all..

But one thinng for sure, classmates are one reason for motivation. =) I love you guys. Please work hard for exams. And be classmates again..

Ran away from lessons. Went to 'Long John Silver'.

The Girls..

Mei Ting & me.

In the class. =))

I was sad.. Really sad.. If only I ould kill myself within this split moment..

I was clearing my mails. Pissed off with all the spam alerts. And I realised I miss this really sweet and touching mails. Many should have read it before. But many times we just never seem to realise it..

When a boy is quiet, millions of things are running in his mind.
When a boy is not arguing, he is thinking deeply.
When a boy looks at u with eyes full of questions, he is wondering how long you will be around.
When a boy answers 'I'm fine' after a few seconds, he is not at all fine.
When a boy stares at you, he is wondering why you are lying.
When a boy lets you lay on his chest, he is wishing for you to be his forever.
When a boy wants to see you everyday, he wants to be yours forever.
When a boy says 'I love you', he means it.
When a boy says 'I miss you', no one in this world can miss you more than that.

Find a Guy:
who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
Who calls you back when you hang up on him.
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy:
who kisses your forehead.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends.
Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and lucky he is to have you.
Who turns to his friends and says, ' That's her!! '

And I realise I don't see the most importang thing happening...

2009-02-26T00:50:00.000-08:00

A post a day hoping the cries will reach somewhere some day..

2009-02-25T19:20:00.000-08:00

Making a wish upon a rainbow.. =)

What's the point of holding on to a broken handle when it doesn't serve the purpose of helping you balance yourself in the moving bus?

2009-01-20T02:32:00.000-08:00

Busy busy busy..

Been really busy with work and stus that I really cant find any spare time to settle personal stuffs? Ok. I have to admit. I have problem finding time for masks and stuffs like that yea?

Ok. Firstly, I'm so sorry guys! For not replying ay messages on Christmas as well as on the eve of the coming new year. Been busy working both day and night that I'm kinda exhausted and I just can't seem to think of what to say to you guys.

Ok. Work.. As usual wasn't that great lah. Don't wanna go into detail what has happened. But I'm glad there're colleagues who're really nice. =)

My sweetest In-Charge at work.. (clubbing at The Arena)

My cutest primary school friend! Clubbing!

Been kinda busy and tired lately cause working at night as well. Hmm. Baby doesn't allow initially. Cause he's afraid I'll tire myself out. Well, I finally convinced him and so far work has been great and lotsa fun!!! =D

Uniform's really ugly!

Darling K! 1st day at work together at dbl o.

Darlings Wan and K at work at The Arena on the eve of Christmas .

Wan and me. Hennessy =)

We didn't have the same scope on that day infact. But we worked together and had so so so much fun!

So even though life's been really tiring or me, bad for me.. But I'm glad my colleagues are there to cheer me up. Making work fun. =) Love you guys! =D

And finally Baby send me the photos at KL! Arghh~

KL trip was great. But it wasn't enjoying. But still I'll wish to go for a third trip. But just the both of us.

Lastly..
HAPPY 9TH MONTHS BABY!

2008-12-12T02:41:00.000-08:00

Everything's been really sucky lately..

Work's been quite okay. Just that I've no fucking idea why those idiots from the other section are so bothered by my presence and actions.

WHY?

Cause they my in-charge knows my every move? And just how did she? Cause they told her. And somehow whenever I look up I see 'em looking at me. I'll be llike is there any problem with me? cause all I did was do some paper work. I think it's perfectly fine and it's totally within my job scope? Whatever~

Sales has been quite okay? Slowly building up my regulars.. =) I just so so so hope sales would get better . So pay will get higher. So school fees can saave faster! =D

Sigh~

Haven't been able to sleep lately. Can lie on the bed or hours but yet not go deep into sleep. I don't know why. All of 'em are saying I'm thinking alot. I'm not. I'm really not. I'm feeling comfy just don't know why my body is reacting this way. And I'm just so awake.

I reckon it's the pressure I'm facing.

"Just when I thought you were..., but it seems..." Been hearing so much of it lately. That I don't know what I should do.

I'm this. As well as that. It's nothing good at all. If it's everything bad, then what is it to treasure? What is it to enjoy and be happy about?

I know I'm bad at everything..

There's so much I wanna say. If i try to talk about it, quarrels will start. When I don't, quarrels will start as well. Nothing I do is right. It's always wrong.

My fault. Just when will all the bad thing end. I'm so afraid I'll kill myself one day soon. Cause I'm not able to take things easy anymore.

2008-12-02T09:31:00.000-08:00

If you happen to see this then I'm glad. =)

F*** YOU d*ckhead! Flirt as much you want to cause I'm not even in the least bothered. But please don't involve me in your stupid conversation. Stop using our past as a conversation.
I so hate you and I never wanna see and talk to you again!

Don't tell me I'm sensitive. CAUSE I WASN'T BORN YESTERDAY! AND NEITHER AM I DUMB.

P.S: You know me best. I can't control my temper. Don't push me further.

2008-11-23T22:54:00.000-08:00

The month's ending..

It's like how time flies. So I've been like working for 2 months already. Unbelievable. It's like I've only worked for like 2 weeks?

Things aint working out fine infact.

I'm so so so sorry guys I haven't been replyinng messages and calls. Been busy at work. It's not like I'm been the whole day but I just don't know how I spent my time infact that I've always not enough time or myself either. Seriously..

First things first..

I know this came a lil late but..
HAPPY BIRTHDY TO MY 2 DARLINGS!!!
SHINE(30/10) & SERENA(11/11)! =D

Sorry sorry. Got work I couldn't attend meet you for dinner my dear Serena..

I'm really sorry la. Work kinda took up quite alot of time I couldn't find time for stuffs. Promise dinner my treat!

Work work work..

When I'm not even enjoying.

Then again, I gotta apologise to my buddies as well. Sorry Vid, Darell, Hayden and Jay. Sorry you guys had to keep calling for that really really bad period of time. Sorry you guys had to check on me, making sure I wasn't crying at work. Making sure I was eating. Making sure i wasn't killing myself. ha! Thanks for going through the stupid-est time of my life. LOL~!

Work's getting more and more political. It's really crappy..

Then again, there's nice people of cause! People like Wendy, my fellow colleague who came down to TM visit me, go smoke break with me. =) And Shan from fregrence side one. Heh.. So sweet lah!

Well well well, I so wanna go back to school and I can't wait or January to come!!! Cause Dee and me going enrol for school soon! Yippeee~

It's not suppose to feel this way,
I need you, I need you..
More and more each day..

2008-10-26T23:52:00.000-07:00

I'M JUST NOT HAPPY WITH EVERYTHING.

Work sucks.
She sucks.
He sucks.

I'm so tired..

2008-10-22T22:37:00.000-07:00

I slept..

And I woke up hrs later. From a nightmare. Dreaming that I was dead. Nobody cried. That was kinda relieving(and sad). But somehow everybody looked serious.. I couldn't stand that scene.

Went to work. SUCK!

Then Baby made me happy by coming to pick me up from work before heading to work.

Went home. Continuing to have that darn headach.

I kinda hate that web la. Don't wanna say which but it's like whenever I log in to MSN I'll see that I have like 50 over mails. And 4/5 of my mails will be from that web. Saying whoever whoever sent me a message or whatever.

I was really bored today. Somehow I feel like I've seem to have a curfew already. But I'm kinda liking it. =p If only my the person who gave me a curfew has time to entertain me.

Ok. I browse through the massages. And Ok!!!! reoccuring things happening!!! People saying I look like her. Darn~ I don't I don't I DON'T!

Call me beautiful instead of hot.
AGREE~!~!
Somehow I haven't seem to be have found one. =p

I MISS MY STUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPID DUMMY BF!!!!!
Who doesn't knows how to eat a 'DANGEROUS' cream puff. =D
Who eats like a small boy. =D
Who have cream all over his lips.. =D
AND I JUST LOVE HOW CUTE HE EATS HIS CREAM PUFF!

If only I could crash the party tonight!

My big Baby...

2008-10-21T22:59:00.000-07:00

Woke up at 9plus am. And I realised I was late for my hospital appointment

I knew what was gonna happen happen if I agreed. So I said 'no'. But somehow I couldn't bring myself to reject it. So I agreed. And yeap. Later on things were okay as usual like nothing's happen. That's what I hate.

Cause you don't wanna talk. Maybe you did but I didn't get you. And things seems to be thrown aside as usual. And slowly problems will accumulate. And when the time comes, we can't communicate.

You just don't like to talk. You just prefer to meet as usual, talk as usual and you just expect me to be the same. We quarreled. We haven't made up. I'm still unhappy. We met up with me being unhappy. And you got pissed. You just expect me to be the same..

You just feel that this is the best way to avoid quarreling. Just forget about it. But you know deep down I still feel sour about everything.. And you choose to ignore it. Tell me how..

S much as I love you but I dont know what I can do to make things better..

2008-10-14T21:50:00.000-07:00

12th October 2008

Met Baby up early in the morning. I thought he was there already. I rushed down in a cab to find out that he's not there yet. So there I was waiting alone.

After everyone arrived, went to had the forms and stuffs filled up and went for breakfast. Then OFF WE WENT! To KL!!!!

Ok. Journey was really really far and long. But overall it was really fun.

WELCOME TO MALAYSIA!!!!

After having our bags left at the hotel, went for lunch and shopping! Had A&W for lunch. =D Then went to the nearby shopping centre walk walk. Ok. I know Baby's gonna be real angry once he sees this. But yes, Baby kena cheated! LOL~! Cause he paid 6S$ for 2 batteries. And it was only later he realised there was the price tag behind which only cost like 3S$?

Then went to whatever that street was called. But it always reminds me of bugis street infact. Ha. Ok. It was only here when I got pissed off. And really regretted.

You know, there's pros and cons to going out in a group..

PROS:
- The more the merrier, it's more fun with more people around
- Have everyone to take care of each other
- ... THAT'S ALL!

Cons:
- Have to wait for each and everyone
- We all have different plans
- MANY MORE! (Ok, I'm bias =p)

Cause we were following instead of being followed. We were waiting instead of being waited. Whatever. After that we went for massage! Not we, but the 7 of 'em. I followed. I've never liked massages. It felt like really painful and uncomfortable..

So I was being arranged to sit there watch television for 1hr till they're like done? Crap. Just then the guy asked if I wanted to have a massage too cause they have one more extra worker. I said NO of cause! Then I got really bored. And he asked again. So I asked what was the whitening and detox scrub about. Then I got really excited about it. So I had my own session too! =DD

Ok. I was really glad with the results. The lady who attended me was really cute and nice. She was like praising me to high heavens and she was chatting with me so much!

After massage went back to hotel. The others don't know do what also. But me and Baby slept like almost immediately! And I liked and prefer it this way!!!

13th October 2008

Quarreled early in the morning. Well, I didn't do it on purpose infact. I couldn't wake up early enough for the breakfast. Partly was bacause I was really tired. But main reason was my contect lens hurt my eye so much it was hurting a lil. I couldn't open my eye. As I close my eyes. I slowly felt tired and continue sleeping. =P

WHATEVER!

Went to Times Square. Had my breakfast first. Then went to play at the theme park. I had hell lots of fun there la! And I was like if only my gfs were here too! Cause they'll play everything with me like how we use to at the 'UK Fair'!!! I don't know. I've always been dependent on 'em in the past. Ha.

Well, I had fun playing the rides with baby. =)

After that shopping!!! I was really sad lah. I didn't get ant clothes know! All I had was the hp stickers. That's all. Well, Baby bought a bao bao for me as well. I have to say know. If I hadn't notice and kept talking about it you wouldn't even think of buying it for me right!!!! Ass~

Yea. That's all I have. Baby bought a shirt. A cap for his buddy. And.. Hmm. That's all too. =p Then we went back to the hotel. The others went to do their things. So I pestered Baby to go to the pasar malam gia gia. End up got nothing one lo.

So went back to the whatever street it was called to shop again. Causer I not happen I didn't get anything at all!!! So end up I bought a belt, bag and lighter. Baby bought a jacket and shades. Yippeee!

After shopping went back to hotel, put our stuffs and plan was to go clubbing.

Ok. We had a super big fight!

Then we got better. End up don't know what is what also. Don't know why didn't go there. Don't know why didnt go here. Don't know why like that. Then they decided but alcohol go back drink. So we split ourselves as usual in 2 different cab. And guess what? The 2 different cab went 2 different ways! And we've no idea where the 4guys are heading too. Ok. It wasn't fair that they went to have fun, and leave us behind making us waste out trip here? Duh~

So eventually we just went to get supper back to the hotel. Then sleep!

14th October 2008

Woke up early at about 8plus? We nearly missed our bus back to Singapore! Cause Baby set many alarms. But after the first one, the hp died!!! I woke up just in time cause I had a nightmare. =p

Before we left, Baby left a stupid note behind.. LAME~!

So off we went. Took a cab to Times Square again. Where our bus will be there. Went to 'Star Bucks' get breakfast and off we go, leaving KL. So sad lah.

Reached Singapore at around 2plus pm? Then went to Clarke Quay sent Baby to work. At the same time have lunch with him before he goes to work. =p

We had Udon for lunch!!! Yummy~ Baby left me eating alone while I was 1/2 way through. Cause he was gonne be late for work soon. Nevermind. Ok. It was a really big bowl. And I amazingly finished up everything!!! Ha!

After that Baby came out to pass me my stuffs and sent me to the taxi stand liao.

Reached home, bathed. And watched television. Till I was really tired. Slept at like 12? Cause I had work and gotta wake up at 7am the next day. TIRED!!!

START POSTING PICTURES IN KL REAL SOON ONCE BABY TRANFERS THE PICTURES TO THE COMPUTER. THINKING OF THAT, I HAVEN'T POSTED PICTURES FROM BATAM! NEVERMIND. HERE'S A FEW. =D

The cigs we smoked during our stay. Ha!

Our beautiful hotel room. =D

View from hotel room.
Having dinner

Currency was so big we kinda become millionaires!!!

Enjoying breakfast..

The amount of coins we had to play the machines with 1S$(i think)!
Baby keep disturbing me at dinner. =S

Baby just loves acting cute. =p Well, he's the reason I smile. =)

Baby having massage.

My bf's sucha big baby!

Leaving Batam.. =(

2008-10-08T23:34:00.000-07:00

As usual, I miss him..

Even though his ignoring me and not replying my messages and everything.
Even though I'm pissed off with him.
Even though I hate him..

2008-10-07T00:32:00.000-07:00

It's only been a week at work. And something so big and serious had to happen. I'm starting to hate work..

Ok. Something happen at work today. It got me feeling fucked up the whole day. I wanted so much to cry.

How could you have done all that you have been doing since I'm new? Even people at the neighbouring brands knew everything and they could see the stress and difficulty that I've been trying to handle and cope.

I'm not gonna talk about what happen anymore. It's only gonna hurt more then ever.

Ok. I thought things would only get worser and worser as the day passes. Baby wasn't picking up my numerous calls! But finally he "accidentally" picked up my call. Ok. He was gonna surprise me by popping up at my counter just like he has done before. Somehow I felt so much better. So very..

It was really hard to try to be happy and act like nothing happen at all. Like nobody knows what had happen. And cause you're working you gotta have that working attitude? I so much wanted to scream and throw the f-ing phone! Cause somehow the stress was causing me to no longer hold on any external stress.

After work Baby came to pick me up. Went for movie and Baby tried so hard to take a walk with me. I know his tired. But knowing how much I wanted his accompany, he accompanied me. =) Thanks baby..

The cries that head nowhere..

2008-10-05T23:50:00.000-07:00

Everything has its meaning to it.

Infact it's only when things happen then will we realise something. And it's only today I realised things. More things today infact.

The pain my leg is feeling(from wearing my new shoe) is nothing compared to the pain I'm feeling inside.

The anxiety I had in the morning.
The uneasiness I had in the noon.
The disappointment I had after work.
And the sadness on my way home.

Thanks Shan for consoling me! =) Somehow I don't know how you could see. But you were saying uneasiness is being shown all over my face. Thanks thanks. Thanks for cheering me up. Thanks to you else I wouldn't have had sales today! =)

I knew I had to be the one being left out if the number had to be limit. I know that's a fact. I've never been important. Anyway, nobody can compared the love we all have for each other. That's not important anyway.

I wanted to leave early, then ask Shan punch for me. Don't care what L is gonna say. Then end up everything was fine. Then I thought some things should be left unsaid since it aint important anyway.

Then I regretted later. Cause all I needed was only a 15mins. But..

It's not that I wanna start throwing tantrums once again. But..

Ok. I went home being disappointed. Once again things didn't go the way as planned.

Then I wanted meet Yen. But she's sick but still insisted and said it was ok. So I said I don't wanna meet her! =p Cause you're sick dearie!!! Please rest well alright?? Love you! =D

Dearie, this's for you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ONCE AGAIN!!!
So sorry I couldn't turn up yesterday.

Get well soon too Baby..

I admit loosening up a lil will be better.
The more you do, the more mistakes you make.
Not doing anything is best. =)

Forget it, I don't know what I want. I can't go to sleep. I wanna get outta house. I wanna do the opposite of what I'm feeling. I wanna do the opposite of what I'm supposed to do. Anyway I've always been wrong ALL the time. Doing the opposite might come out right. =)

Should I agree to go supper?

I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.
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2008-10-04T23:34:00.000-07:00

Working noon shift today. Sian. Must work till late at night. Sian Sian!

Baby bought lunch for me.. =D

Cousin talked to me today liao. Amazing. Fasinating! =p Talked quite a bit. Ok la. I have to admit cousin's really nice. Just that she's a lil tyrannic. =P She just expects that kinda respect from everyone while I'm not that kind who do what one wants.

Thanks baby for lunch.

Got present today again. =p

Baby just simply wrote on my hand that's all lah! Crap~ It's not really clear. Duh~

2008-10-03T22:26:00.000-07:00

Third day of work. So far so good. My in-charge is really nice. =) Colleagues are really nice. Evrything is nice. But two things.

My cousin is working just infront of me!! Yikes~!
My bully works somewhere very near me! Crap~

Well well, I hope things wouldn't turn out bad la? Heh heh~

Baby came to pick me up at work. Then We walked to his work place. From there I go back home. Ha! I got present from baby today. =)

Thanks baby!

2008-09-29T22:39:00.000-07:00

1st day of work. =))

Went to work with a really bad mood. Was kinda like.. .. .. emo? I didnt talk. Not at all. Even though my in charge kept trying to crack jokes with ,e. Non-stop trying to break the ice. But still, I was really quiet.

Went for lunch break at 1pm. Tried to call Baby but he was sleeping. Went to Burger King at Wheelock to eat. I swear. Seriouly I swear I'm not going there to eat anymore. There wasn't any problem with the food. But the area. I was eating outside. The birds were flying here and there. And like they kept coming over to my table. I got pissed off I was feeding 'em with my fries every minute.

And for the 1st 30minutes after getting my meal, I didn't eat. I was trying hard to fight a war with the birds for peace. If I had a chance I'll poison all of 'em to DEATH! Trust me I will. Call me mean and cruel. You wouldn't understand till you see 'em flying all over the area, shitting on all the tables and chairs and yeap, one of 'em came and stole one of my fries.

That was when I took my tray, stand up and left the table on another table. And went back to my seat with my burger. So that was all I had left for my meal. Well, the birds didn't give up. All I could eat was half of my burger and I left.

So I kinda spent my lunch time smoking..

Went back with a even more troubled heart. And continued with my training.

When training ended. All I ever hoped to see was Baby there to pick me up. Well, he didn't turn up as expected. So slowly I walked to the bus stop slowly smoking to tak away my hunger.

Reached home at 7pm. Then Baby called. Like finally? Talked and talked hen Baby wanted me go over. So I went over.

Then Baby cooked dinner for me. =D

Fried Rice with nuggets. It was really good. =p
Hot plate Tofu.

Fishball soup with potatoes and carrots.
My dinner by Baby. =D
And that goondo anted to go to sleep straight after dinner. Crap. I was really bored.. =s

2008-09-27T23:31:00.001-07:00

I bought a shirt from River Island. But i didn't give it.
Don't ask me why.
I just reckon it was kinda ugly afterwards.
And I'm thinking if i should throw it away.

2008-09-27T23:31:00.000-07:00

Worked on a Saturday.

Was really really bored. Don't know why. Didn't have the mood for anything at all. Was kinda like lazing around. Felt really uneasy. Couldn't stand. Had a really bad headach as well.

Today's my last day working. =p

Then went out to smoke with Lychee. Heard the F1 cars racing. Was so god darn loud lah. Sian. If only I could watch it. Ha!!

I so wanna like look at it. But the whole area was like fenced up. Sigh~

Ticketing booth!!! =p

Picture picture!!!!

Bye guys! I'll miss working with you guys! Thanks so much for chionging my sales those days. ha!

2008-09-22T07:45:00.000-07:00

Monday hadn't been a pleasant one still..

While on my way back home with Ben ytd after work. We were both busy trying to plan out my Monday "date" with Baby. LOL! And finally we came up with a splendid plan. And I was over the moon! =pp

End up Baby got the time for driving lessons wrong. Plan cancelled. Super sad. Well, I tried rearranging the plans to the nigt but the operating hours for the "......." either it's too late or too early. So cancelled. ='(

Yea.

Meanwhile many things happen. Blah blah blah. End up I didn't have the mood to go out. Crap. Even though I missed him so..

End up I was like getting all prepared. I didn't know I wanted to head to. When Yen texted me. I did wanna go look for her. Then again I didn't wanna face anybody. Bad mood. I just wanted to be alone.

So once again I loiter around downstair a lil while before heading to the swing again. Arghh~

Ok. Then things got better. But cold. We had so much to say to each other but somehow everything is stopping us from doing so. So yea. Both of us were acting weirdly..

Then again we started to talk. And finally Baby asked to meet. Like finally? Don't bug me when I'm all crazy. Don't leave me to cool when things are fine. That's like what happen.

So I got like really happy?

So we kinda met up and yea.. Things were really cool. Walked to the market ther to eat and chill with his buddies. After that went to Loyang Temple to like pray. Then headed to his buddy's house to chil and watch this really boring movie that I actually fell asleep. =P LOL~

Then it was really late. Headed back to my place and we slept... zZZZZZZ

If only things could be fine every single minute..
If only I hadn't been such a sassy lil gf..

2008-09-20T01:43:00.000-07:00

Wed 17th Sept

I was so god darn pissed.

I was waiting for her at Clarke Quay all alone! I'm so glad Hayden was there to keep my accompany while waiting for her. And thanks buddy for trying to enetertain me.

And guess what? She did turn up again? Same for last week! You wouldn't understand that kinda feeling. Out there waiting for someone. nd suddenly she's not coming. And you're all so clueless where to head to..

I'm glad. Buddy and friends offered to accompany. Asked me join 'em and head down to 'ButterFactory'. I wasn't really keen. Wanted so much to go home.

Then Buddy was asking where I would like to head to. And offered to acompany me down to 'Arena'. Thanks so much dearie!

Know.. Even though none of my gfs were like here with me, but I still had hell lotsa fun. =) Sad to say, there wasn't any dancing. ='(

Fri 19th Sept

Head down to Office to report for work with a super bad mood. Just had a tiff with bf? Reached there, saw no one and I got so blur?? Then Eunice said they cancelled Friday. So Friday no longer need to work. I was pissed off! I was thinking why couldn't she inform me before I get down to office and waste my time and effort going down?

Then I asked to meet bf pass him stuff?

Ok. I made a big wrong move. She was there? And I was thinking I've done no wrog even though she think I have, so I shouldn't run away? Ok. I soooo felt that I've grown up to face problems now? Like alone? No more Xiao Bai, May, Vid, Cindy, Shine, Yen and who-so-ever with me?

Ok. That's when something happened..

I got screwed hardcore in public! It sounded nice, no shouting no nothing. But the words had so much meaning hidden in it. I knew.. I knew everything. I sooo wanted to run away and cry. Hide myself in the room? Head down to hub look for Yen? WHATEVER!

I kept my cool. Took out my phone called Ben and continued my conversation with him and said I'll be goin down since he asked me like accompany him go have donuts? LOL! Wrog move again!

He was like went crazy? And we started quarreling and yes, again, for the second time I got screwed hardcore in public in a single day!

I couldn't imagine how I was ablt to tolerate all the sadness in me. But as soon as I went home, reached AMK, got up the bus, I started crying? Got down at the park and went to the pond where god daddy use to console me.

I cried for like 2 full hours?

First time ever in my life. To get screwed. Cause even darlings couldn't bare to like screw me? Yes, I was feeling down. God darn down..

I cheered up a lil when I saw this old couple walking in the park. I smiled. =)

I'm still feeling down. I couldn't understand why I got screwed.

Thing was this. She loan money from me like 3 months ago? Saying she'll return once her pay comes in next week? And 3 monthe later then she return me, with a scolding? Cause baby like called her to ask about it? So she screwed me with the reason that I wa being a bitch to tell my bf about it? And I was being an asshole for quarreling over money?

Shouldn't it be her fault? Since she didn't honour her words to return by the date started? Hasn't I been flexible keeping my mouth shut for 3 full months not even texting you and asking for payment? It's not about returning but the principle. How should I trust you then? Right?

I so felt like dying..

Sat 20th Sept

Darell, Sam and Sky were all asking me why're am I so moody. I couldn't answer why. I cried cause my lens were hurting my eyes. They were probing so much into what happened and I really cried because I was sad.

I didn't say much, but I only said I was ssad yesterday? And I cried for 2hrs and slept like only 6hrs?

2008-09-15T00:19:00.000-07:00

I'm angry..

2008-09-14T04:45:00.000-07:00

I'm back home at like 4am? Crap. Talked till we forgot about the time. Till I got tired and Len suggested heading back.

Today was great at work. Went to work and was talking to Nick.

I'm proud of myself k! Cause I've been to work early this week! I'm not late yea? Don't know why. Didn't sleep well. Plus wasn't in the best of mood.

Was so happy chatting that time passed so quicky. Was listening to Nick's happy stories about how he proposed to his gf. Was so f-ing sweet I nearly cried! Seriously. And imagine how he actually changed for his gf. From a flirtatious guy who has 2 gfs to now is a super sweet bf and together for 2years. Oh god. I can't believe it.

I just love listening to stories. =p

But of cause there were sad stories too about him and his ex gf who broke up after like 3years? Hmm. But it was cool.

Than met up with Lenon at night. Went to dam chill and stuffs. Talked about everything. Just like Nick. LOL. And there were sad stories again. Duh~ 4years relationship but it just broke like thta. Just like that.. SAD!!!

But I'm glad that boy's back to normal after the heartache. He's really cute. He's got that kinda gay-ish actions and stuffs but he's straight. But he's just so.. so funny. Ha! His comments and stuffs. Think I've been laughing so much today my tummy aches. LOL.

Anyway, thanks guys for the precious advises. =) Greatly appreciated.

Yes. Just wake me up..

I miss him badly..

2008-09-09T14:11:00.000-07:00

Is it true when coupes get old, the love no longer exits. And all that was ever needed was companionship?

It's scary to think of it. It's scary to look at it. It's even scarier if things are gbnna happen this way. Can I say 'NO' to it? I thought it's gonna be a very strong relationship. Cause they've been through too many things. And the strong bond between 'em.

Or is it cause they think there wasn't a need to be so lovey dovey anymore?

I'll want a super sweet relationship still when I get old. =D

I wouldn't force my kids to stay with me. Cause I'll want privacy. =p Ha!!!

I miss him..

2008-09-08T02:22:00.000-07:00

It was scary...

I didn't know it would hurt so much like that. I tried pretending nothing happened. But I couldn't and I simply buried myself under my blanky. I cried so hard. That was how much it hurt. Now I know..

Even though I wanted so much to say "NO!", I didn't.

So I thought things were just gonna be left like that. And all I did was nothing. Ok. I lied again. I wanted so much to do everything, say everything and scream! And I did. So there we were saying 'ok I'll return you'.. And 'Nah, you take it'. And 'Nah, I don't need it'. Blah blah blah...

Then once again things were fine.

And just when I was so fustrated and everything Alvin just had to pissed me off. Stop asking and asking amd assuming and everything. I seriously think I do have a serious attittude problem. Cause people I just don't fancy, I'll just give them the shit. I didn't knolw I could do all that but sorry for screaming at you..

Went for mahjong and I've no idea why he just had to call and call and call. Saying he's worried I'll get drunk. Just when the fuck did I say I was going drinking? And worried what? I simply didn't bother. And he simply happily continued to irritate me.

I know I've hurt you with my words and actions. But I do love him very much. Please understand.

2008-09-07T00:14:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to question things.

I don't know why. Have I always been like this since I was a kid? Forever asking questions and needing the answer else I wouldn't be sleeping really well. Any cure for that?

Well well, finally someone is saying something really different.

He said, go ahead lah. Go do what you wanna do. Even though he knows the choice I'll be choosing is a wrong one. As well as something I'll come to regret.

I don't know lah. Ok. I don't know if this has been a habit too or not. But it seems like people have been throwing difficult questions at me lately, or even telling me things I don't wanna know. And they'll be telling me how I'll be reacting. Crap! And they know I'll be like sigh, I don't know lah.

And yes, I know I'm ugly. Stop comparing me. Or even using me as a substitute. I'm starting to think if I really have been one at all..

Other fat girls can fall deeply in love too and enjoy all the romance and sweet sweet love in a relationship.
Other ugly girls can find guys who love them as who they are and give her all that she deserves as a girl in love.
I believe I can too.

Allow me to off my phone for just one day. And I'll start running away from all this shit. Relieving from this crap. As well as stop deceiving myself for a day that everything is gonna be alright. Cause I know it's not. Cause things have never been right since the start. And it'll never be.

All the quarrels, mummy and daddy. All the arguements. All the unhappiness. All the bullying. All the screaming and shouting. All the sadness. All the sickness. All the pain and hurt. I'm dying..

2008-09-05T23:36:00.000-07:00

Went to work. Manage to fight for the same old place. =) Yes!!!

The day hasn't been a good one infact. Met the usual people. Guess that was the only happy thing? Like how they tried to be stupid? And how they tried to make me smile when they kinda had a feeling I wasn't in the best of mood?

Every week he asks me 'What's ya plan tonight?'
My answer would always be 'No plans leh.'
And he ask again 'Then what will you be doing tonight?'
And I'll go.. 'Home to sleep.'

And today he said to me. 18 years old and your're like a piece of blank paper. As much as I wanted to start arguing and defending myself, I stopped. And I said yea..

I use to be out at this time. Pubbing? Clubbing? Chilling? Anywhere out in this world. Now? Home? Crap..

He went on.. 'Don't allow yourself to be tied to something. There's still many things out there for you.'

I don't know know what. It made me start thinking again. It's true. There's so much I wanna do. But why am I not? I don't know..

Got back home. Went down to smoke again. Pondering over stuffs. I guess I've finally sorted things out. Darell said 'I see you like that like very xin ku.'

Perhaps all these while there hasn't been much understanding provided. We've been wanting too much of each other(I hope I'm right). It's either too lil or too much love. Things should get better so that we'll both be happier.

I'm sorry for everything..

Ference was acting all weird today. Usually he doesn't reply when I text him the sales report. Today he did. And got all muchy in words. God. I couldn't stand it and I told him he was acting all weird and he f off. =p

Was online for 1min when some idiot pissed me off.

rafa0677@hotmail.com says:
hi

❤Lynn - Innocence says:
u are?

rafa0677@hotmail.com says:
im ralfy and u

rafa0677@hotmail.com says:
where r u from

❤Lynn - Innocence says:
how did u get my email?

rafa0677@hotmail.com says:
i was gonna ask you the same

❤Lynn - Innocence says:
u added me

rafa0677@hotmail.com says:
i thought u added me

rafa0677@hotmail.com says:
where r u from and how old r u

❤Lynn - Innocence says:
i think its easier for me to know since i've never ever added anyone in msn before

❤Lynn - Innocence says:
since that's e case let's delete each other then =)

rafa0677@hotmail.com says:
wait

❤Lynn - Innocence says:
yes?

rafa0677@hotmail.com says:
dont go

rafa0677@hotmail.com says:
we can get to know each other

rafa0677@hotmail.com says:
im ralfy n u r ?

❤Lynn - Innocence says:
nah
pointless
but thks for e offer =)

❤Lynn - Innocence says:
bye

I think there's a problem with MSN is it? How come people do not know they've added someone? Or they really didn't? BUG!!!! Crap.

I wanna start studying real soon. I'm tired of working. I wanna start doing something about my life. Hmm. If only I can not do anything at all. =p I don't seem to be saving at all! Help me. Duh~!

I miss him hell lots..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIDI!!! =D
(It's my youngest bro's bnirthday today. =))

2008-09-04T21:12:00.000-07:00

Talked with dearie on MSN today. =)

It was a long chat. Well it seems that whenever we both chat it'll always be a good long one. Primary school buddies. And we always feel so close. There's nothing we can't seem to talk to each other. And we both feel the same way in many things! =D

It's amazing how we didn't talked in school in the past. How we knew each other as normal friends. Never have we talked to each other. Yes we knew each other. I know he's ck. He knows I'm Emilynn. He's my friend's bf. And I use to be with him, then him, then him and now him. Ha! And I knows he loves her. He knew he loves me and how his love was never recipocrated. =p

And he's always calling me a heartbreaker for don't-know-what reason!

We met each other again after 3years? Outside DXO? LOL! Dee saw him first. He allowed us to cut the super duper long queeue. Then started talking. Subsequently started clubbing together. And now very good buddies. =) It's really cool. How he use to sell me tickets and now free entry with guestlist!!!

I missed clubbing with him, Xiu Zhen and Brandon. Ok. I did club with Xiu last month at The Arena? She was darn cool! And previously at Zouk? It was really cool. But were always short of one person la! I miss you guys.

I miss my buddies. I miss my dearies. As well as my gfs. Did met some up at the chalet. But yea.. I miss the good old times. We're all so busy with out lifes now. Sigh~

I miss him..

2008-09-03T02:09:00.000-07:00

Slept at 6am. Woke up at like 10am? Couldn't go to sleep at all! I don't know why. Then went to meet him.

The minute we met up, things were so weird. Not the usual stuffs at all. Things seems changed. Everything seems weird. Things being done were weird too. It wasn't like how we use to. Perhaps I'm thinking too much.

Went back home after sending him to work. Watched tv and stuffs. Was supposed to go clubbing with Xiao Bai. End up never go didn't inform me till I asked her. Fine. Just nice Vid asked me go clubbing too.

Was waiting for her when Nadia called too. =)

Ok. Just got to know that Granny's hospitalised. ='( I didn't know why but it got me really all worried. Somehow I could feel the pain Granny's going through and she's so old, I just can't bare leeting her undergo the operation. It's so hurtful! I'm really scared.. I'm really worried.

Somehow all the bad things are happening.. I'm reallly afraid of losing more things.

Clubbing was great fun.

I admit I tried putting things behind. Trying not to think and stuffs. But somehow I couldn't forget things. I went a lil over in drinking. Cause things in club wasn't good either. I was sad. SAD!

I understood what he meant. But I didn't understand his pain. And now I really do when things are on me. I'm afraid of losing granny.. Like how painful it was when I lost grandpa. And how hard I cried when I thought the pain was over when my classmates hugged me in class.

I asked myself where was I when she was hospitalised.. I was out having fun, having no idea at all what had happened.

Somehow I felt like I've lost everything, things that're important to me, things I treasure most. Including him...

I admit it was a lil too much. I was just afraid I wouldn't get the chance anymore. I'm not moving cause I'm afraid I'll fall. I don't wanna do or say anything. ily..

Come notice me
And take my hand
So why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so smallI guess
I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so smallI guess
I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry
Ohhhh

At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so smallI guess
I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby
After all...After all...

2008-09-02T23:41:00.000-07:00

Eveytime I look for Yen she gives me free yoghurt. My favourite "Cookie Crumps"!!!

I reached AMK. Whet to look for Yen. I said I was bored. No. I wasn't really. I was trying to keep myself busy. But somehow I couldn't. Looking at how busy she was I went away. Got down the bus when it started to rain.

Somehow I didn't wanna go home. Like how I use to do things when I'm down, I wanted to go to the swing but it was raining badly. There I sat. Quietly pondering over stuffs.

Just somehow I couldn't stop thinking about the words that were said. It was hurtful. It was painful. It was everything. I didn't knew it would hurt this way. I thought it'll be gone soon before I even know. But it didn't. I thought it'll be over after a kiss. I thought it'll be over after a hug. I thought it'll be over after a night. But still it haunted me.

I'm guilty of it.

After 2hrs, I still couldn't get an answer. There I watched the rain fall. I told myself I'm not going anywhere before I have an answer. As I cleared my inbox I came upon the same old usual sad text. Since it was so easy for words to be said that time, it sould be easy to handle this time too.

I was wrong. It fell, I walked away..

I'm sorry I made you feel all that all the way. But it's not true. You've always been wanted. You've always been missed. You've always been loved. It aint that you aint good enough. It's also not that you're bad. But you're too good to be true. And it all seems like it aint real at times. If it's gonna be like for awhile only kinda thing.

It's you infact. If I'm actually even there? If I actually even exits since day one. If I've actually even replaced the previous. If I'm even a sub. Cause ya entries said so.

But you've never been all that.

I guess it's all over this time round.

I've no idea where we're at..

2008-08-30T20:49:00.000-07:00

Was at work. Was so bored I just kept yawning.

But.. I was pissed at work too! Cause somebody just kept taking my photo! And whenever I get back to my stand, I'll see my picture being pasted on the stand! And I just have to repeatedly take the photos out. Sigh.. Look at the stupid snapshots. Duh~!

It was then I found out who kept taking my photos. Then I was so curious how he had the photos printed. And he said he'll help me print the photos. Ok. He did. Like this.. And he even carried on by cutting out my pictures and printing it of different sizes!!!

Ok. I sent him more. And he stated printing for me normally and beautifully. =)

Then he was helping this guy test his camara. Got cheated to turn my head around and once again I got snapped! ArghHhh~!

Ok. Work was fun. And I actually bought a new mp3!!! It's so cute and I couldn't resist not buying it. Sigh.. Spending and spending..

Ok. I've planned to go do my hair on Monday. =) Spending again! I'm so glad Baby didn't say anything about my spending and even offered to pay for me. =p And.. I hope everyone is keeping it from mummy. =D To prevent her from nagging..

2008-08-29T22:32:00.000-07:00

Went to Batam with Baby on the 24th-16th(Sun-Tues). It was really fun and we spent a whole great deal of fun eating all the really nice food. And not forgetting making the people remember us. Ok. That's between me and Baby. =p

It was really fun spending time together in a foriegn country. Sleeping together side by side though we actually have totally different sleeping timings! It's like after shopping Baby went back to sleep. Till maybe like 8pm when we go for dinner? After dinner I'll be the one sleeping. Yea. So it's like duh!

And Baby had a whole lotta fun kicking me outta the bed. Cause I just simply refuse to get up to get prepared to leave. Yeap, expected. When I got outta the bathroom, Baby was sleeping. It's really funny the both of us.

And continuously 2days trying to snap my picture while I was brushing my teeth ass.. Hmm. And I have to admit I guilty-ly refuseto take pictures cause I was without makeup. =p Hey I was just too afraid to look ugly can. Who doesn't?

I can't forget that ass dancing in the walkway. Was that even Ballet?! And he just loves throwing me in the walkway and running straight into the room leaving me outside!

But still I love that ass so much!!!!!!

Hmm. I thought I could be like all my other girlies. Blogging every single shit in their blog. It was suppose to be our some sorta venting shit? Suppose to be the only thing that takes our every single word. Suppose to be the only one that listens?

I realised I was wrong.

Cause every of our complaint goes out to everybody who comes and reads our every lil shit. Ok. It's wrong.

And I've realised all the wrong things I've been doing all this while that didn't occur to me. I've been thinking so much that I don't know where I am. It's like you no longer know what's really right and wrong. Or have I been like this all this while? I guess so.

It's not like I wanna be like this. It's not like I wanna think of all the shit. It's not like I wanna believe in whatever people says. It's not like I wanna keep running. It's not like I like being cheated.

JUST WHEN YOU PEOPLE STOP SAYING I'M NAIVE!!!!

Even people I know for a week is saying the same shit. Just what wrong have I done. Thanks Darell. But you don't know me. Or is it that I'm that plain Jane you people see commonly on the streets that it only takes a day to see me throughout.

If you ask me what this whole post is about. I'll tell you I don't know. Cause there's just so much I wanna say. But somehow it just comes out in bits and pieces. And words just can't seem to describe my feelings..

Your words made me realised how wrong I am. It's been running through my brain over and over again. It made me realised and see what I've been doing all this while. Was I really all that you've said. It didn't occur to me.. It was really heart breaking to know that all this while I've been such a bitch.

To simply put it, I'VE BEEN A BIG FAT FU*KING LIAR! AND A DISGUSTING HYPOCRITE!

Just who am I to say...
I don't know anything at all..

2008-08-20T05:24:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th months to us. =D

Woke up at 9am.

Was woken by by the phone ringing. We were all really really tired. Woke Baby up to pick up the phone. And so we both woke up and started clearing all the trash.

By then only Shine was there.

Left at 10am. Walked all the way outside to the the bus stop outside Elias mall. Waited for about 15mins and there wasn't any cab in sight at all. So we all decided to go get breakfast. =)

After breakfast Shine and Baby and me shared a cab. I went back to Baby's place. Continued sleeping till 6plus pm where Baby went to work.

Took a cab. Fetched Baby to Clarke Quay 1st before going back to AMK.

Rested at home. Went down to smoke when Vid called. So she was like so stress about her bf and everything. And yes, asked to go club. So yea, why not? I wasn't of the best of mood too anyway. Might at well just relax and enjoy?

Sigh~I didn't enjoy at all. The minute I reached there. I saw 'em. I predicted something was gonna happen and I put it aside. Thinking why should I allow others to spoil my day?

Well, saw Rose there. =) Hugged and talked a lil while.

Went in. Q-ed for drink and saw Nadia there. =) She's actually one of my malay friends I know in the club. Have been seeing each other so often in club, and we enjoyed dancing with each other. So naturally become friends. =)

Joined their table instead of with Rose. Cause she was with her other friends. So well, joined my malay gfs.

Went to the toilet where we were greeted by a group of malay girls? One of ém were practiacally kissing me all over! And we were all exchanging praises and yea, we love each other! Crap.

Went out to dance and all. I so just love meeting new girls everytime. =)

Vid was drunk by 3am? Puked and all and cried so hard.. The new girls we met actually actually saw and came over. And they got so protective and aggressive and started shouting for her bf to hear cause she was talking on the phone.

Went to the toilet the second time and I was outside with Nadia smoking.

Went into the club again while waiting for Vid. Went home after that.

Well, I didn't know what to do. Is it time I start doing something? Cause Those bitches just wouldn't let me off? I went away when they should be the one going away. I closed an eye to what they did when I had all the reasons to do all shit to 'em. I kept quiet when I had all the reasons to screw them upside down.

If I had any chance to get a massage across I sOooooOooo will do it. I'll gladly tell 'em I'm gonna forgive how childish they had been all this while? Trying to say 2 different stories infront of different people? And trying to make us split? Trying to meet him and talk to him BEHIND my back cowardly and trying to play gangster? And keep trying to make me the bad person by saying all the bad things I had done which wasn't true?

I can forgive you!

Stop doing all this small lil lil things cause it wouldn't help at all. If the relationship between you and him could be salvaged I would have backed off. I told you before I'll back off no matter how deep my love was. I even apologised! But it doesn't seems to be the case. I'm sorry..

I so don't know what is expected of me and what I can do to stop all this. I know apologising wouldn't help. I know closing an eye for everything and pretending wouldn't help. I know there's only one thing which is bothering 'em, which is me being with him.

I've been eating the humble pie all along. Just what else is expecting from me? I'm a victim too! Why am I being looked up upon as if I'm the vixen who spoily everything?

Just what exactly is your stupid dumb lame shit 3weeks compared to my 4months?

2008-08-19T05:55:00.000-07:00

Got woken up by Baby's friends!!!

Then Cindy woke up. Shortly after I woke up and went down to look for Cindy too. Well, bith of us are just simply one of a kind. Cause we simply just can't get back to sleep after waking up.

Yea. Went down to looked for Cindy and she was playing mahjong with Baby's friends. Went to cook cup noodles for breakfast. =) I was bored. So I took my lappy in and played games.

Shortly after darlings Cheryl and Celeste came. Crapped hell lots in one of the rooms. It was a really good catching up session. As well as a bitching session. Ok Celeste. You were really mean cause you didn't shared much. Or perhaps it was a good thing? Cause it simply meant nothing bad happen at all? =D

And dearest Cheryl. Please cheer up!!!!

Yea. We missed times in secondary school. The good old times. =) Though we were kinda having someone missing from the group? But I guess it doesn't really makes much difference. Yea?.. =p Went down to played cards. Ha!

Baby woke up. Went to cook. And he had his photos taken! Ha! Ok. They were all amazed Baby knows how to cook. LOL! God~

He cooked eggs. The girls tried 'em and all said it was good. Ha.

Yea. The girls went off shortly after. Greatly missed by me. Bad timing perhaps. Though times were really short. I appreciate 'em greatly for making the trip down. Thanks buddies. =D I had lotsa fun chatting with you guys.

Went back to chalet and I had my lunch prepared by Baby..

It was really surprising. And it tasted good alright!

Halfway through Zhenghao called asking about me being hospitalised. So I invited 'em over to have a lil chit-chat session.

Had a card playing session, and Zhenghao was winning like crap! Money was small issue. I'm gad I won 6 chocolate bars from him!

Night came. Few of Baby's friend came over. Baby started cooking a lil.

Then Shine arrived. Followed by Xiao Bai and Cheryl. And we started our BBQ. Baby had all the food cooked. I'm so touched. =p

While playing cards. something happen. Not gonna say what but I'm so angry with you Baby.

Then Baby wasn't around. And things wasn't right at all. Ok. We hated this big ass in the chalet. And I was actually having a big arguement with him. There was this girl who came and I don't know why she started to act weird. Not knowing why at first. So I just pretended nothing happen and continued playiong games with my gfs.

Then Baby got back..

Then Stella arrived with bf. She was so god darn late. Food was almost finished. I'm so sorry guys! Then Wendy came, my dearest bf! Ha!

Then I knew what happened. That girl was thinking me and darlings were talking about her? Well I'm so sorry you had that impression but how could we be so against you when you just walked in suddenly? And I'm so sorry you had to stare at me when Baby introduced me to you.

You know it's realy wrong to start assuming things and start acting all weird. Cause be glad I'm the girl you were against. Cause imagine it was others? You came to her chalet and create problems like this. It was a stricty no lians chalet for god's sake. And be humble since you're going to other people's chalet? Even though you might be someone all mighty outside?

Misunderstands were shortly cleared by Baby. But somehow things were already spoilt. Everything was wrong already. Thanks to you babe. =)

And Serena popped by a lil while. Had a lil mahjong session then zao also! Darn. Anyway thanks for coming. =)

Didn't know why but Cindy and sis decided to go out to have a lil walk. Then Stella went off already. Ad so we girls went to the room and played games while drinking. =)

Baby was so busy playing mahjong an he texted me late for wishing me a happy 4th month. Ok. So you wouldn't know about it if I hadnt texted you. Disappointed!

We had losta fun! And Shine was so sway can. Cause we were playing the card opening game and every card opened has a meaning to it. And she was so sway she kena 2 dare cards! One was to dance. And the other was to shout "I Love You..." Ha.

Then Cindy came back in a rush saying she had to leave. Sigh~ I was reluctant to let her go but I had no choice. Hmm...

Went down after awhile. Chilled there and stuffs. Cheryl and Xiao Bai had Macdonalds. Ha.

I was really tired by 5am? So Baby pacified me and we went to bed. Then Ciao Bai and Cheryl went out at 6am. =(

Ok. I don't know if anything happned at all. And my day ended there!

2008-08-18T07:43:00.000-07:00

17th Augest 2008

Baby woke up late at probably 6pm? Met up with him initially to go get food. But end up went for mahjong session instead.

Had a big fight before that. No comments.

18th Augest 2008

Had mahjong session till about like 7am? chilled till like don't know what time? And we had to wait till 12noon, go get food and check into the chalet. It was really hard not to sleep and continue go get things done. Darn..

Went back to Baby's place. Chenged and stuffs and went down to Loyang Point get food. It was really fun initially and heart breaking after that. Cause our spending were much more then expected. Sigh~

Checked in to the chalet and we were so energetic cause it was so gorgeous! Then Baby went to prepare stuffs. I was really guilty then. Cause I was the only girl yet I didn't know how to do anything. Ha! So I was there playing my lappy, and all the guys were preparing the food.

After preparation we all went to sleep. But woke up shortly after by Mr Fat Fat's doings. He's a realy really really mean boy. Duh~!

Night came and we started the BBQ. Baby cooked this for me despite the rain. How sweet!

Ok. We had a pet cat for the day. And she was so irritating that I screwed her!

Then Cindy came. I'm so glad she came alone just to keep me accompany throughout the night!

Talked with me and stuffs while Baby had to entertain all his friends and them getting drunk!

We were actually talking and watching the cats. And it's really amazing how deaf people can get while they wer actually playing mahjong. Cause Cindy were nice enough to feed the cats when one of 'em scratched her wanting her to put the food down and scram. I was so pissed off I wasnted to chased it away! And while watching one of 'em fought and we screamed so loudly. But no one knew we screamed. Hmm..

Then Cindy got changed and she had this really cool tee. I played a prank on Baby and it was so darn funny. Just look at that!

Ok. The day didn't seem to end well at all. Had a big fight before turning in for the night. Sigh~

2008-08-16T05:03:00.000-07:00

Went back to work today for just one day. Well, I'm just happy to see the usual people. And they just seems to make working fun. Got to know this auntie. Was her 1st day of work. Ha. Promoting kitchen ware. And she made coffee for me. =P It was delicious lah! Duh~

Expensive coffee maker. And just like this will actually already cost 1.5k.

Today was also the start ogf my quit smoking day. =P I didn't smoke all the way till I met Baby. Where I took one from him. I was feeling down. So down. I needed to. Cause there didn't seem to be a reason to quit anymore.

After work went to look for Baby. Had to take something from him.

I don't understand things at home anymore.

It was just a blouse. A piece of cloth to be precise. It was so god darn important that I had to forgo resting after working just to get that piece of cloth home. They didn't bother if I was feeling better? If my puking had stopped?

And making his gf stay was so much more important than ensuring her daughter safety? Or rather, making that fat piece of meat stay..

No doubt I do feel the care and concern. But somehow I'm nothing at all. I no longer feel that I stand a place at home. Forget it.

Well, today got function and I so wanna go. But Duh~!

Then at night kept receiving text messages and calls. And it all totall spoilt my day.

Than I just couldn't stand being alone at night speculating so I went down to get a drink and a pack of cig.

I cried, I talked, I screamed and I went on and on..

Things like that just seems to keep happening. And there always seems to be a reason for it even though I dont like it.

Went back home. Baby knew something was wrong. And he came over to keep me accompany though he was really tired.

It hasn't been easy right from the start. And I'm amazed I'm still continuing the journey despite all. =)

2008-08-15T05:58:00.000-07:00

I don't know..

Why should I stop myself just at this point when things being done and shown are telling me it's not worth it. Why should I be giving up things I love when it's not worth it again? Why should things be given and happiness be made for unworthy reasons?

I keep thinking..

Just how long more can I continue. To be stupid, to be all their fool. To pretend I ain't hurt, to put up with all the nonsense.

Just yesterday, for a split sec, I was hoping I really had the need to go for an op. To compare which pain was more unbearable.

I do love you, but I don't know how long more can I continue 'acting'..

Will I be allowed?

2008-08-14T23:45:00.000-07:00

Cleared my room after reaching home. Yea. I didn't rest. I felt so uneasy. And somehow I had the urge to spent my time in a more meaningful way.

Met Baby up at night. Went for movie. Then went back to my place.

Perhaps it's only after you've been through things then will you realise the pain and feelings involved.

We always say yes we do understand. Infact we don't. The feelings you have there are merely sympathy, fear and blah blah blah. But not real pain, real sadness.

Well, this lesson was a good one. I finally know and feel all the pain involved. The sadness of being alone in the hospital. The fear of being injected time and again, results of scans. It was terrible. I couldn't remember just how many times I cried. And how much fear I had within me.

2008-08-14T12:32:00.000-07:00

11th Augest 2008

Went to visit Baby's Grandma in hospital.

After that went to Baby's friend's house for mahjong. Started at about 11pm? I was really really tired. Than it all started at about 3am. When I started to feel that sharp pain in my tummy. Told Baby I wanted to rest at the sofa.

Laft at about 4am. I have t[ admit I hated her for pestering Baby and DRAGGING time. I looked fine but I WASN'T! And she was like wasting time and telling Baby why you so bad one cause Baby was haeding to my home instead of Tampiness and wasn't able to send her back.

Puked immediately when I reached home. Baby wasn't feeling very well too. But I was worse. I tried to force myself to sleep after Baby applied medicated oil on my tummy as instructed by mummy..

12th Augest 2008

Woke up 30mins later. Went in and outta the room. Lying here and there. Crying all over. Tried going back to sleep a few times but couldn't be done. The pain was unbearable. And I puked for the second time.

Called mummy crying. Mummy rushed back home and brought me to the doctor. Doctor suspected it was appendicities and wrote a letter asking mummy to admit me to the hospital.

Went back home first.

Mummy woke Baby up and all of us went to the hospital. Mummy went to work after that. While waiting I was actually more then fine to be able to talk so much crap.

But after consulting the doctor, I was quickly put on the trolley and inserted with the drip. Yeap. I cried!!!! It was so god darn painful and I've always been afraid of needles. Sigh~ Luckily Baby was there. =)

Yeap. This was my fate!

After Baby accompanied me fot a lil while, Baby went to the hotel to sleep. And I fell asleep in the hospital. Sigh~ So wasted. Both of us were suppose to hotel together Baby had won. Now I couldn't go and it couldn't be cancelled. Sigh! I'm so sad!

But as stubborn as I was. I decided to make so much noise, trying to talk to the doctors and persuading them to let me go.

Instead of persuading them to let me go, I was talked into staying. I cried again. Yeap, I stayed.. Mummy seems to want me to stay so much and was so worried, I didn't dare say no..

Baby came shortly after. Just nice I had to go for the X-ray. Then mummy went dinner with Baby. Hmm.

After awhile mummy went back. Pulling Baby home too. Humph! Ok. Baby went home to get my bao bao and hp charger.

After that Baby came back. Accompanied me till 11pm plus before heading back to the hotel.

13th Augest 2008

Baby came to visit me. I was in the process of drinking this super foul smelling medicine that looks like water and the smell is so not appealing that it was really really hard to drink it. And guess how much I had to drink. The size of one water bottle!!! I had to drink it to go for the CT scan.

Baby waited till I had to go for the scan before going for his lunch.

Baby came back mins later and surprised me with this!

It was so darn cute!!!! And I loved it soooo much!!!

Ok. So now, look at my bed, it doesn't look like a bed that belongs to a 18 year old lady at all! And Baby did this! LOL~

I admit, I didn't wear their clothes at all. Cause it wasn't nice at all and I'll look really stupid in it!!! So I refised not to wear it even though several nurses and doctors asked why didn't I change. I don't care!!! =p

My towels and the clothes I'm suppose to wear..

And I gotta tell you guys something really really funny. This hapens everytime I go to the toilet to relieve myself. Cause I was on drip, so when I go to the toilet I had to bring the drip bag with me.

And whenever I get back to bed, I'll realised my blood was flowing back to the drip bag instead of flowing in!!!

The funniest thing was when Baby saw it he was like "OMG". And called for the nurse to help me. Ha!!!
Baby went to get his meal and got me magazines too. =P And left shortly after. SAD!

Initially the CT scan was the result if I really had appendicities. So results will be out by 7pm. And it did came and it was negative! I was so so so happy. Cause it simply meant I didn't have to go for AN OPERATION ANYMORE!!!!

But darn results came after discharging time so means that I couldn't be discharge till tomorrow. But hey, I was able to eat already! Cause I was on drip and was to be fasted. Darn. I was really hungry can.

Food wasn't appealing. But it was still ok lah. Sigh~

Then mummy came. And said, "Why didn't you tell me you could eat already so I could bring you food from home." Sian. I wished I know why too. Duh~!

Ok. Since I culd eat already I needn't be in drip liao. So it was taken out. =D

Ben came to look for me at night. Cause he had to pass me some papers since I had to go back to office. And we both realised I had a tracker on me.

And I was so so so tempted to go clubbing! I actually tried slipping the band outta my hand without trying to break it. And I did it alright!!!

Ok. So we went down to talk and chill. Then went back to the ward. Ben left only at 1plus after making sure I was tired already. Cause he knew I was really scared and he ownself saw what was going on lah. The screaming and stuffs. Duh~

14th Augest 2008

I was being woken up at 7plus am just to allow the dooctors to check my tummy! Crap.

And then breakfast came. It was really blend and I couldn't taste anything. I nearly died.

And I had to take one more extra medicine today. sad! And thanbk god I was able to request having the capsules opened up and dissolving it in water and drinking it. Ok. Cause I couldn't swallow pills yea? ha.

Lunch came. I nearly died again.
I have no idea what this green paste was! It seems like vegetables going made into a paste-like form. Eww~!

Then nurse came to say I could go. I take the chance not to eat the food. Feeling really bad. I made a heart shape with the paste. Hoping they'll understand that I really "love" the fodd but I had to go without finishing it. =p

And now I'm home!!! I'm so happy!!!!

2008-08-10T23:34:00.000-07:00

Went for lunch with Ben.

Talked about alot of stuffs. Hmm. Sometimes I really do wish I was older. So that when they talk to me they'll stop treating me like a kid. Sigh~

He brought me to somewhere. It was really really really cool! Like museum. But it's a pub? GOD~!

Today's the last day of work. So sad! I'll miss working with you guys! Stealing chocolates and eating chocolate fondue. And my dearest staff! For always talking crap with me. I'll miss eating that.. that.. that something I dont know how tp spell with you with you!!

Once again. . . Photo takings, we'll miss each other. =p

Our product in our lovely fish tank. =)

This dumb dumb has been doing that all day long making me laugh like hell ever since I wasn't of the best of mood. =) H's acting like Bugs Bunny, looks like The Grimlins and resembles and sings like The chipmunks!!! LOL~!

He looks like The chipmunks! Duh~

Advertising watches. =)
Team mates.. =)

Ben drew this. LOL!

On our way back home. =) It's gonna be our last time going back home together from work.

Train was moving and this guy has got NO SKILL. =p
My bestest kaki at work. We seem to be able to click so well that at times we split our commission 50:50 cause one aint doing as good as the other. =))

Reached AMK, went to meet Yen. Was thinking so long never meet her up already and she's always not at Hub whenever I happen to pass by Hub one! Duh~

Talked and chilled. Really missed the times when we had so much fun together. Now it's like we're all busy with work. Sigh~ Anyway, last day today. We're meeting next week. Make sure ah!!! Miss u dearie..

2008-08-09T22:59:00.000-07:00

Work was boring as usual.

Today not only did we have Chocolate Fountain, we also have pop corns!!!

But the pop corn machine was not able to add sugar nor salt. It was really plain and awful. And guess what Paxton and me did?? We dipped it with chocolate and ate it! =p

Nobody was infact as greedy as me. And finally I found someone as greedy as me and would eat together with me! Yippeee~ My good stealing food kaki..

Today was all about us taking photos of each other doing bad things and black-mailing each other. This is Ben, helping the chocolate promoter promote her stuffs while she was at break.

No wrong doings. But.. Boss see sure kena scolding!!

And this is my dear fellow staff from the same company. But I'm only promoting a particular products whereas he does everything and promotes whats instore. Yeap, He's using his mobile on the selling ground. Tell staff kena ready..

There's still one more person but I didn't made it in time to catch him red handed. Paxton!!! He was sleeping inside out fish tank with the curtains closed. This one die most jia lat one.

And yes.. Me?

I got caught for helping kids with the mashmellows.. =( Cause those kids wanted to eat 'em so badly so me and Paxton helped 'em with it. And Ben caught us both! LOL~!

2008-08-08T22:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday..

Baby was supposed to leave home with me.

But he couldn't wake up. Still so tired. So end up I had to leave home with him at home. Baby's so god darn sick! And yes, me too. =p A lil coughing here and there. With a slight flu. Gosh~

Working alone was so boring.

Xiao Bai wanted ask me out for shoppig but I was working. So sorry my dear!
Was suppose to meet darling Samantha since she's working in town today. But I totally forgot all about it! God! I'm so sorry..

Went lunch with Andrew. The nicest promoter from my company. Cause he allows us to do anything. =p I went back after lunch. He and the others went gaming!!! For about an hour? ASS!

I requested to go back home an hour earlier, skipping my second break. Was so sick and weak I just didn't feel like staying on. Left early by a lil cause Andrew wanted to go up pantry drink kopi and waste time till 8pm. Bad guy ah. Teach me bad.

So quickly make my way back. Got outta the train when Ben called. Said he saw me and asked if I wanted dinner. Said I wouldn't be eating cause I didn't have the appetite. So end up met up and went to Mos Burger. Saw some Lians who belongs to my friend. Well, it was really embarrassing but I'm glad she didn't say 'Hi'. =p

After that went straight home. Baby came down to fetch me. =D That was so freaking sweet!!! It was raining la and Baby was sick!

And Baby forced me to eat one BIG bowl of rice. Well I did finished everything k!

After bathing I had to make Baby do his project. Cause this big baby of mine just wouldn't do his project at all. =/

It was rather heart breaking to see Baby do up his project from maybe like 11pm? Till morning 8am and leaving the house. Aww~ I was mean I admit. Cause I couldn't.. just couldn't wake up and walk Baby out.

But it was comfy to have Baby beside(a lil while) and covering me with blanky time and again. =p

Woke up 30mins later. But then to go back to sleep again. End up overshot. Woke up at 9.30am!!!! Was so freaking late. Reached work close to 12noon instead of the usual 11am. Ok. Sorry to Ben cause he just so insist of waiting for me and go to work together so end up bth of us were late.

Bad mood today.

My sickly day just continues...

And people just so wanna piss me off and not be understanding at all.

1.
Uncle: Excuse me. The bottle for children blah blah blah(I couldn't be bothered to listen)...
Me: I'm sorry but you gotta ask the staff here for assistence.
Uncle: You not staff ah!
Me: I'm sorry but I;m just a promoter for "..."(pointing at my shirt).
Uncle: *Walks away with a "what-the-hell" face.

2.
Auntie: What time do they closes?
Me: I'm not sure but I think it's 10pm.
*Colleague walk pass so I asked him to recomfirm*
Me: Yeap, it's 10pm. =)
Aunty: You first day work here ah!
Me: I'm only a promoter and I don't work till closing.

What's wrong with people these days?!?!

Forget it. I went home early and no one was at home. Mummy and brothers ain't home. Baby working today. Sigh~

2008-08-05T23:32:00.000-07:00

3rd of Aug 2008

Work was really fun. We had a new guy over here, and a new photographer. =) With with Ben and me. =D

And we had fun taking photos at work!

Credits to Raymond, our photographer for helping me with the shoots. =D

After work went to Simei to meet baby.Cause Baby had mahjong session over there at 9pm. ASS! So he came down fetched me after I reached Simei.

Went to the bread shop bought 2 bread. That's for my dinner infact. Yeap. And headed upstair already.

Today just doesn't seems to be our day. Sigh~ Anyway his friend was so mean! I wouldn't do what he did if I was him! Bad Bad..

After mahjong headed down to Baby's company's chalet. Was so pai say over there. Cause don't know anybody there. Hmm. But ok, they're all really nice. =)

After awhile went to Mac get breakfast. Ha! Baby was so pissed off with the cashier cause she just couldn't seem to be able to get our orders right, or rather, she doesn't seems to understand what Baby was trying to say. =P

So, went back. Ate our breakfast, And went to sleep.. .. ..

4th Aug 2008
Got up next morning. Or rather afternoon. I was up first, by all the noise and everything. Then went back to sleep. And woke up shortly after.

Went out with Baby shop a lil and have out lunch. Wanted to watch movie and we missed the timings already. God! After unch went back there to see more unfamiliar faces. =(

Was about to play cards when Baby was doing his business. Sigh. Was half way through introduction when Baby paused.. And said: " Why is there a grasshopper in here?.." God! And look at that thing!!!

And yeap. Our facial bar is so god darn natural that even insects love ém!

Yea. It's a lil disgusting and gross I have to admit.. I've never liked insects anyway..

All went down for BBQ.

It was really cool lah this gathering for ém. They actually have a DJ here? And the singers in the club? And people from the chalet from got out and look down wanting to join ém? Cool cool~ But I was just feeling so odd and out. So I was kinda like practically sitting there and looking around.

Guess what?!

Baby won a stay in Quality hotel for 2!!! And his friend didn't want his prize and gave it to Baby. And it was a trip to Batam for 2!!! Yeap yeap. 2 prizes. Guess we'll be having lotsa plans these month!

Went back to chalet. Chilled and stuffs.

And everyone was so drunk? Not everyone la actually. And I swear I'll have whacked her if not cause she was drunk. Not whack? Maybe just pull her hair which all girls do? Give her one tight slap which all girls do? Joking~!

But she was being a total bitch for God's sake. Pardon me for bitching. But she made me go crazy. And all I could do was look and feign ignorance? And only talk when everything's over and not being to throw my temper but nag a lil and stop there. Crap!

GUESS WHAT SHE DID!

She was feeling all high and she was rejecting 2guys who liked her. So initially she was going all over Baby's friend. And I've got no fucking idea why she suddenly grab Baby by his arm and pointed at me asking if I'm his gf.

Why? So that you could go all over him too if I'm not? Even if I'm not his gf, show some respect for his friend lah!

Sorry. I'm done...

Alright. Baby suddenly had the intuition to check his wallet. And yeap. He lost 150bucks. Baby was so sad. yea. Understood. It wasn't really about the money. Butit was more on all his effort going down the drain. Cause the money was from his sideline business. Hmm. Didnt know how to cheer him up. It was so terrible.

Finally hugged him to sleep.

5th Aug 2008
Got forced to wake up at 10+am? Had to check out from the chalet. And yes. Unknowingly I had my make-up on for 2days. Had my contact lens on for 2days. Even slept with ém. Didn't have a proper bath for 2days(I did bath but I didn't have my hair and face washed. Cause no wax and facial wash) And today's the third day!

Rushed back to Baby's home get clothes. Took out my contact lens and washed up a lil. Was planning to go watch movie once again. But we doze off!

Woke up again at about 5pm? And headed down to Tampiness mall watch "Money Not Enough 2". It wasn't really funny. But it was really touching!!! Hmm.

After movie headed back to AMK by bus. It was so long! Baby bought supper and headed back home. MINE! Yippeee~!

2008-08-02T23:48:00.000-07:00

I got home from work. And I was so shock. Bro brought in the television into the room. It was so cramp and messy lah.

Well, I switch it on thinking what was on tonight. And I realised I had company. =) Look what my lil baby was doing..

2008-08-01T23:03:00.000-07:00

Met Ben as usual and went to work together..

Today Mei Mei's gonna make the Chocolate fountain!!!!

Step 1: Melting the chocolate

Step 2: Mix the chocolate really well and start the fountain

We actually stopped the fountain for a lil while.

Why? Look at what Ben did! He blew into the last row, the plate ther and started the fountain so when the chocolate flows down the radius is wider. And we had so much fun! We made the chocolate splashed all over. =p

I know this looks like shit. But this is my mashmellow dipped with chocolate! There's 2 k! Cause everyone knows I'm super greedy. Ha!

Went down to meet Baby.

But only for a lil while. Causejust nice Baby had a business appointment somewhere near my working place. So pop by for just a lil while to have a stick of cig. Sigh~I miss him so much..

2008-07-26T01:24:00.000-07:00

2nd day of road show.

Still as busy as before. But of couse we did better than before. =)

Met Xiao Bai up for lunch. Than rushed back and had to endure all that stupid nagging that I actualy don't deserve at all!

After everything we could relax a lil..

Talked to the chocolate fondue premoter just beside and Ben and me couldn't resist not stealing her chocolate! And yeap, we ate alot!

This's the Chocolate Fondue thingy.. It's really cool lah. I'm so tempted to buy it. Let the candle melt the chocolate, and eat it ALL BY MESELF! Or probably with Baby when he's here with me. =p
That's those plates where the deliciously chocolates are places and we stole it!

After work went out to smoke. Was suposed to head home after that. Then Ter called to say he was somewhere near. Wanted to fetch me homw. I said ok. Then end up kena cheated go dinner. Was so tempted so I said ok lo.

After eatingwent straight home liao! Buay Tahan!!!!

2008-07-25T01:19:00.000-07:00

Went to work.

Was a really busy day. Was having road show and everything? And I actually realised I had to do things which was actually beyond my job scope! And I was really really pissed and upset. And today's only the first day? I still have 6 more days of road show to go through!! 2more this wekk and 3 next week! I'll die!

Went to lunch with Andrew and the others. And I only eat 1/5 of what I ordered. Sigh~ Was a really bad day! And I just lost my mood for everything.

At night went to lunch with Robin. And went straight home after that. I was realy aching all over and I couldn't stand anymore.

I miss him..

2008-07-24T00:52:00.000-07:00

Had to get up at around 1pm to go for my stupid job training at Toa Payoh. I'm so glad Wei Liang decided to come fetch me up as he was fetching Eunice there too. =) So I could waste a lil time?

And I'm so pissed cause the training was bullshit. I didn't have to be there at all cause I'm already trained! All that I had to know there was the promotions whicch could be understood within 5mins! And I actually wasted 3hrs there!

Baby rushed down to PS meet me and I'm so sorry I was so late.

So Baby picked me up at the lift. Went to catch bao bao at arcade! Tried once. Failed. Then Baby really caught one!!! A lil purple bunny for me! then tried again. I was saying "Nah, Wouldn't so heng one." And he did it! He caught a Winne The Pooh for me! =p

It was so darn cute can?..

After that went to meet Baby's cousin. Then went to have dinner at Douby Xchange. Before heading down to the business seminar.

After that went home.

Well, If anyone is really interested in using a really good product, do gimme a text. Or even if you guys wanna work or earn some really good money. Just think about it, I wouldn't be doing it if it was really bad..

2008-07-23T06:12:00.000-07:00

Baby rushed to work...

Then I prepared and went to PS to meet Chris.

Was so super disappointed. While I was on my way to PS Xiao Bai texted me saying she was sick and aint clubbing already.. I was so looking forward for today cause I hadn't clubbed last wk. So it's almost like 2 weeks that I hadn't clubbed? SAD!

Then Zheng Hao called to meet. Said ok. Ter also called. But I was so so so sad I just wanted to go home!!

Ok. So after meeting Chris. Went for dinner. Had meatballs Spaghetti for dinner at 'Sweet Recipe'. Was quite ok good actually.. Afteer that went to loiter around for a lil while before deciding to head to Wisma 'Indo Chine'.

So went there had a couple of drinks. Chat a lil. When Vid and Rose decided to go clubbing!!

And it really exciting but of cause it was rather stressful for me. Cause I had to help someebody get home!

So Chris sent me over to Clarke Quay and as usual I had to wait for her even though how soon she said she was gonna reach..

Went in to club first while waiting for Rose.

Then Rose came with 2friends. =) Had so much fun there!!!

2008-07-22T03:06:00.000-07:00

Baby signed up his new line already and he was busy spamming me with his smsS!

Met him up after work at about 2am? Went for supper. Then went back to my place and sleep. I just love it when Baby takes time out and spend just that lil time with me.. I just love it when he hugs me to sleep. =p

I just love him...

2008-07-21T21:03:00.000-07:00

I was listening to this song when I felt so much ...

Lately I've been thinking about what I can do
I've been stressing to fall back in love with you
I'm so sorry that I couldn't follow through
But I can't go on this way. I've got to stop it babe
You've been wonderful in all that you can be
But it hurts when you say that you understand me
So believe me. I, I am sorry, I, I am sorry, I, I

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you

I've been pushing hard to open up the door
Trying to take us back to where we were before
But I'm done. I just can't do this anymore'
Cause we can't be mended, so let's stop pretending now
We've been walking around in circles for some time
And I think we should head for the finish line
So believe me. I, I am sorry, I, I am sorry, I, I

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you

I, I... I'm so sorry baby
But I, I... I gotta pack up and leave
But I, I'll always remember how we came close
... to being how I wanted to be
I wanted you baby
I wanted you

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you

It's just so cool. It's just so nice. And I simply love this song..

Well, two things happen today that made me realised I meant nothing at all. And things were done for the sake of doing and my feelings weren't spared a thought.

And while I was listening and stoning, I realised what had been happening all these while, and how much I've been hoping for things to happen never did..

I'm speechless...

I love you..

2008-07-21T01:38:00.000-07:00

Went out with Ter.

Got my desert and headed straight to Clarke Quay. Camp outside and waited for like 45mins. Till I could no longer wait and I spoil the whole suprise thing and eventually told Baby I was outside.

I admit I didn't have patience. Ha! Cause I was really tired. =P

I'll do all I can to make you happy.. =)

Than headed home. Then again Ter was kinda bored. So headed to somewhere near my house play swing. Ok. I was the one who wanted to play! Then started talking about all the shit stuffs. ABout my previous boss, my dog, friends and everything.

Ahh, yea. I miss my primary school life. Surprisingly it's not my secondary school life I miss. Cause my best buddies who're stil close to me are from my primary school? And they're really cool an great girls whom I really love! =D

Miss those times we wrecked havoc and spent hours talking till morning. And it's only us together that we could do stufffs like that. And till now, you girls never fail to be the first few to ask me how's life, ask me out to cheer me up on stuffs and love me as always..

Hmm.

I just wanna be the sensitive and possesive spoilt lil brat I've always been. I don't wanna be those submissive defenceless dumb tard. Ahh crap..

It's all in the mind. It's what makes you thinking always react the way you have been. Yes I know. But it's cause it simply mean too much to me. That I can't react the way like I can't be bothered at all.

It has always bothered me. What it really meant. What really happen. How're you feeling. Everything. It applies to you, you, you, and you. And simply you..

It's all that..

I love you..

2008-07-20T05:57:00.000-07:00

It's happy 3mths to us!!! =D

I thought I'll always have lots to say. I thought I always have tings running through my brain. But this time round it's empty. No matter how and what I try to say, I'm just repeating myself. I don't know why..

Yeap.

Spent out day at Baby's friend's house. Played mahjong. Though we didn't go out, but yes we were still together side by side. =) And yes, we did enjoy, have fun and enjoyed each other's accompany..

After mahjong Baby's friend wanna go eat. So accompanied het go eat then headed home already. As usual, I had him the whole night. =)

I had Baby sleeping next to me. And my lil baby on the other side. Nothing could be better than this..

I love you...

2008-07-19T03:53:00.000-07:00

After work initial plan as to go watch movie but there wasn't any movie timings to my liking. Cause it was all so late at 11plus and I didn't have the intentino to go home late.

Wanted to head to Yishun dam. Than darling Christine called me! So went down to Kallang mac meet up with her and her bf.

Christine's actually my colleague I know when I was actually working for Fasio. And she was really nice when she tried to entertain me and we talked alot of stuffs and realised we really click!

So we were talking about the past and stuffs and why I decided to take this path of mine I had chosen which she felt wasn't at all reasonable and for the better. Well, my reason was simple. There're many things which are unexplainable. At times we know it might not be the right way. Or it might not even work it out. But still we'll go that way. Simple cause of love. =)

Yeap. Time flies so fast that we both realised we've both known each other for 1year plus and we're still really good buddies. =D

And yes. Back then when I knew her she was still single and stuffs. Then got to know she's attached. Then got to know her bf. Even went out with ém in the nights for roundings and race and stuffs. I miss those days..

Then See Yee called. Went over to 'Balcony' look for See Yee and her friend. Chilled there and stuffs. Yeap.

Well, I'm really glad know that they called and stuffs. And I really hope we'll always be really good buddies that hang out and stuffs. =)

2008-07-15T02:59:00.000-07:00

Baby forced me to wake up at 11am. Was supposed to wake up at 10am so that I'll have ample time for preparation. But somehow I was just too lazy and tired so Baby had to keep waking me up and not sleeping till I was really up. =P

So I went to prepare and had breakfast. And when I was done it was like 1pm? I was super late but nothing happened. Cause my baby's still sleeping soundly! It's really amazing to see him sleeping so soundly and not waking up when his phone's alarm went off so MANY times and so LOUDLY, when he actually was trying to wake up up from my comfy sleep just now with so much energy and strength!

He's just sucha BABI! Yea.. He's always calling me that I've got no idea why. Probably cause he really thinks I'm fat. =p

So he slept.. I played with my lil baby, make up here and ther and watched movie with the lappy. t was really really gross. And I didn't believe what I heard from friends previously and what I see till I watched the movie. Ok. It was really crappy, gross and really disgusting!

Then finally Baby woke up at about 3plus pm. And we realised we were late. So we rushed down to his house and get some stuffs before heading down to Town for some meetups.

Baby was angry. And yea.. Cancelled my apointment with Jimmy. He was pissed. He nagged, he made noise and blah blah blah.. Baby was also angry he nagged he made noise and he punched my imaginary face on the wall of the lift and injured his hand.

Both side didn't wanna hear my explaination and both were angry. I said I was gonna do shots tomorrow but he said it was being said. I said 5.30pm instead of 5pm, but he said I said 5pm.

I think I know what I do and did and how I plans stuffs and I don't think I've made a mistake. Cause I think my memory's quite ok and I'm able to remember stuffs. Forget it, I'm at fault..

After the meetup rushed to work with Baby. And once again we were late. Or rather, Baby's late. Cause Baby have an event going on and he forgot all about it and went to work late. Sad can. Cause no more dinner together! =(

So I went home unhappily.. =p

Reached home, had dinner and chilled there. Stoning not knowing what to do. Cause it was like so fucking bored! Just than bro called.. Asked to go have a drink or two. Though I was so tired and totally not interested in going at all, I went! To push our super bar. Crap.

I thought being a cosmetic/skin care promoter for several brands before and even doing it for long, I might be the one who'll be talking on and on to this guy who's a engineer in some big shot company who's a big fuck who know nuts about their face.

But I was SUPER WRONG! Cause end up I was the one keeping my f**king mouth shut, having him talking to me and teaching me all about face and products and everything!!!! Even went on with body care and cosmetics and everything! It really a really bad situation which I can't help but keep gulping down my cuppa Erdinger on the table, hoping that we'll be leaving soon.

Yea. Soon we left. But to another place in Thomson to carry on drinking..

So we played dice. I was a newbie k! And yes, they all can't stop saying me. Cause I know nuts about playing any games at all. Such as 'five, ten'? Whatever.. So they were like saying I always frequent pubs how could I not know how to play. Duh~ Cause I don't entertain others. They try hard to etertain me. So, I can't be bothered to learn and entertain them. Good enough?.. Crap.

Anyway, It was really fun I have to admit! Cause They got cheated by me!!!! Uncles who got cheated by me, a newbie!!! So went home about 2pm? Later then I expected.. Crap.

Anyway, cheer up Ter!

2008-07-14T01:36:00.000-07:00

Met Baby up at 6pm. Was still super tired. Didin't really sleep well. Was late once again. =p

Went to have dinner at KFC. Then went to meet Baby's business colleagues. Went for the seminar. Then went for movie. =)

Watched 'Red Cliff'. It was nice but it was really draggy! I hate draggy movies. Cause they make you watch REALLY boring scenes and happenings. But one positive thing is when the exciting part comes, it really is exciting. Duh~

After that went back to my house.

And Baby's all mine for the night.. =)

2008-07-09T07:37:00.000-07:00

You made me realised there aint a reason for anything..

There aint a reason why I love you,
cause I just love you.
There aint a reason why I miss you,
cause I just miss you.
There aint a reason why I gave in to you,
cause I just wanna give in to you.
There aint a reason why I hug you,
cause I just wanna hug you.
There aint a reason why I look at you,
cause I just wanna look at you.
There aint a reason why I'm jealous,
cause I'm just jealous.
There aint a reason why I wanna meet ya,
cause I just wanna meet ya.
There aint a reason why I'm sensitive,
cause I just wanna be sensitive.
There aint a reason why I keep quiet,
cause I just wanna keep quiet.
There aint a reason why I look away,
cause I just wanna look away.
There aint a reason why I don't wanna ask,
cause I just dont wanna ask.

There aint a reason why I wanna protect you,
cause I just wanna protect you.
There aint a reason why I'm worried,
cause I'm just worried.
There aint a reason why I wanna scold you,
cause I just wanna scold you.
There aint a reson why I shout,
cause I just wanna shout.
There aint a reason why I grab you,
cause I just wanna grab you.

There's simply no reason for anything. Think about certain things before doing it(provided if you can), can you explain why was there a need for that? Nope..

At times there're just stupid lil things which we can't seem to explain..

We can go all out to achieve certain things in life but not getting it in the end. But at times, we don't even have to think about and there it is standing at our doorstep. We do our best, but the actions weren't seen, we aint being noticed. They aint doing anything, but somehow all the attention is on ém. The higher our hopes are, the greater our disappointment is. Why not just let lose a lil. Perhaps it'll just hurt a lil bit lesser in the end..

There're things we can't force, we can't change. There's simply nothing we can do about it.

So why even think about it..

2008-07-02T06:31:00.000-07:00

Vid textd me that day. Asking to go club since it was her birthday on Tuesday. So wants to enjoy on Wednesday with me? Alright. I said ok.

Then yesterady Xiu asked me go clubbing on Saturday. I asked to go on Wednesday instead. Cause I wouldn't be able to club twice a week! =P So she said okay. And will call buddy also! We use to be clubbing buddies! Going to underage parties and stuffs! Those days were so fun! Miss those fun man..

Than Rose called today and asked if I was going clubbing. I said yea and she asked to join too. =)

So yea. All my friends were coming. And I'm so happy all called! =D

Had fun with Xiu first. Cause as usual Vid and Rose will come later at about 12. Yea.

I was so happy Stephanie came over to look for me from Double O! Yippee! Had so much fun putting aside those puking and waiting and whatever!

And I'm so darn pissed with you yea? You planned to club with me. Ya friend saw me and asked if you were coming. I said yes and she immediately called you! And yes, both of your disappeared TOGETHER! So was I the one you were meeting or her?

Be glad i had a couple of friends with me.

When will you start learning and know where your mistakes lies? ASS!

Than Baby sent me home! =D Love you so much Baby. I'm so glad I had you for the whole morning again! It was hard parting.. =p

2008-06-30T11:10:00.000-07:00

Slept at 6am in the morning. Was talking to my younger brother.

Ok. I couldn't help but get worried about the people he's mixing around with. And the kinda stuffs they're doing together. Worst, some guys he's with are people I know! GOD! Cause I know so much about them cause we use to hang out together! And I know what kinda person they are!

Slept till like 12?

Called Baby up for school. And I couldn't go back to sleep.. Yea.

Was watching TV. And I didn't receive Baby's text. End up met up with Baby late. Cuase my preparation time was far too long! Ha!

Met up with Baby and his friends. Chilled so darn long at 'The Coffee Club". Was kinda bored I admit. =p

Then went for movie.

Watched 'Wanted". It looked boring to me initially. But it was kinda cool! Cut out the violence part of cause. No doubt it was nice..

Than went to Baby's brother's house play mah jong. Sp I was practiaclly watching TV and running in and out to smoke. Till I actually doze off after watching 'Fear Factor'. And I wasn't being woken up by anyone. Shit. Must be really pai say! Ahh...

I think I woke up at 7am?

And they were done only at about 8am or 9am? After mah jong went for breakfast. Then Baby saw me really tired so decided to head home. Went back to Baby's house. Chilled a lil before I cab back home.

TIRED!

And yes, I missed Baby so much. =p Even though we just parted like hours ago?

2008-06-29T00:02:00.000-07:00

Finally met up with Baby after sooooo long! (It was only 2days infact.)

Was intending to go for dinner. Than it rained. And for the very first time we walked in the rain. =D How romantic.. =p

After that headed home. Walked a lil while in AMK and i still find it irritating to walk there.

When girls walk there, we get looked at like they've never seen girls. Looking all the way. Even when we're far, they could still look with their heads turned till we couldn't be seen.

When walked with guys, we get stared at. People trying to show off how capable they are. And how so much more attractive they are compared to the guys we're with.

It's all so practical, stupid and childish!

Was intending to walk home. Than both me and Baby were tired. So we took the bus back to my place. Than I accompanied Baby wait for cab back home. =)

Miss you so much Baby! We only have each other for a few hours in 3days. CRAP!

2008-06-27T23:17:00.000-07:00

Started new job today. Working only on Friday to Sunday. 3days job. Just helping Wei Liang to relief till I get a full time job.

Was late. I thought I had planned my time well. Looks like I failed once again. =P

Took a cab down to company and started training.

Than in charge fetched me and another guy that was there for training down to work. Went down to Suntec. Talked in the car. I thought he was that kinda 'I'm your boss so talk to me like I'm ya boss' person. But he wasn't. He was nice. Too nice that it felt so weird.

Talked about stuffs. Till he was telling me about himself, ex gfs and family? And I was like trying to entertain him by thinking of how I should go about answering him. Duh~

End up when we reached, he receieved a call and I had to go over to Town area to work. Cause promoter wore wrong attire. Lame shit. Then he fetched me there. Yea..

Work was still ok. Colleagues wer nice. Environment was still ok. But I did feel weird there lah. Somehow I just couldn't fit into that area. Cause I'm kinda promoting something electrical. So different from what I used to be, selling cosmetic and skin care.

It's ok. I guess things will soon go back to normal and I'll get a right job soon! =D

I realised I made the right choice even until now..

Look at how much you've changed..

And yes. I don't understand why am I being blamed for ya actions? I forced you to? You had no choice? So I kinda told you "Please push me", "Please shout at me", "Please punch me"? Did I? Whatever.. I forced you.. Take it as that. It's all in the past anyway. No ponit elaborating and discussing about it now.

It's all pointless already. Cause I've long killed you in my dreams.

2008-06-25T04:14:00.000-07:00

I hate you!

You, you, you and you!

I feel so cheated. I feel I ain't being treated the right way. And I feel that I ain't being treated with at least the BASIC respect I have given to any humans on Earth. And yes, I'm not able to do what you people have been doing, be it actions and emotions. It's so unfair!

Forget it. I don't wanna talk about it. Yes. I can't be bothered anymore..

Just go..

2008-06-24T23:06:00.000-07:00

Met Baby up after his school at Town and went to Wheelock have his hp serviced. Then at that point of time called to check if I'll be able to locate my boss.

Ok. So the worst shit has come. Job's gone. Company's down. Boss not doing anything. Pay's gone. =)

And what have you guys done? NOTHING.

You know, I was so free! I don't have to work tomorrow. I was browsing through the web. And I realised I've been a FUCKING TOTAL IDIOT! You have all the money in the world and you used it to please your gf instead of returning it to me. And can still tell me got no money! What are you guys doing???

I've got so much shit inside me that I wanna say. But I know words are gonna hurt, and money's a sensitive issue so I chose to remain silent. But seems like you guys are taking advantage of me.

All this while, you took lil lil advantage of me. Everyone saw, I kept quiet. When you need money can beg. Now? I want it back my turn to beg? Hell with you !

Ahh fuck. I've got so many things running through my brain I don't know what is what.

All these shit! CRAP! I'm bursting. I'm exploding. I can't help but cry..

Yen, thanks so much for today. I thought I'll just pop by to say 'hi'. But you suggested to talk after ya work. Was really sweet. Thanks for all ya advises and support. And always being there for me no matter what!

Thanks Auntie Ann! Called up just to ask how's everything and even asked if I needed help. Provided me with solutions and stuffs.

And yes Baby. Thanks for talking things out for me and everything. Well, you did cheer me up alot. Thanks so much!

Chatted in MSN. Nobody know's what's going on cause I refuse to talk. PM's all changing for me. "Cheer up Lynn", "Smile", blah blah blah.. It didn't help, seriously..

Just don't talk would do the trick. Stop trying to cheer me up. At times you're saying the wrong thing that would trigger that tap. So please don't take the risk to say anything. Cause I'll rather be alone..

I don't know...

Stop it..

2008-06-21T23:50:00.000-07:00

Today was crap.

Rushed like hell in the morning. Went to work. Reached BUS STOP ALREADY then realised I didn't bring my hp along! Walked all the way back home to take it.

Then tummy ache. Couldn't move. Else it hurts! Rest a lil while and decided it was time to go to work.

Reached bus stop once again and I had the shock of my life! This lady actually called to say I'll not be used by the company anymore cause it's no longer operating. Duh~ Means I'm like SO jobless! Crap. Asked Weii Liang and he said he'll check and inform me again.

Ended work at 3pm. Then rushed down to PS meet Baby watch movie.

Quarrels and everything. Duh~ I don't even know how to react. Erm.. It's like.. Hmm..What the hell!!! It's totally fuck up!

Ok. So Baby cheered me up by getting couples rings today! Was suppose to get it like next month? But somehow he decided to get it today to cheer me up. And he really mean cheer me up! Ha! Thanks so much Baby. Well, it did. Or maybe kinda?.. Heh~

After movie sent Baby to work befor eheading home.

Just then Vid wanted to meet me.

Had a long chat before going for shopping for a lil while? Saw 2 tops and 1 bottom that I wanna buy! But.. Think better not. Waste money?! Save Save Save!!!

Hmm. Was chatting so much and I realised how much she missed me. =P Well it's true. We've kinda gotten use to clubbing together and stuffs. Now not only are we not working together, we're also no longer clubbing together. Ok gosh. We're clubbing together next Wed. =) Sigh~

It's just so hard to predict what's gonna happen in future.

Well, I reckon it's no longer important. You can't predict who's gonna lose out in the end. You can't predict if the other party's gonna cheat. You can't say you don't wanna take a risk. You wouldn't know.. And the only thing you can do now is enjoy each other's accompany for now, and put in all the effort and make it work. =)

It seems so easy but yet so hard...

2008-06-20T23:48:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 2 MONTHS BABY~!

Steph's at work today! =) Cause she only work during Fri and on weekends. And yea, since she was the only one who's sober that day at The Arena, so told us SO MANY stuffs that me and See Yee don't even know actually happened!

1. So See Yee actually puked on me! So the stain on my shirt was from her. Duh~!
2. And See Yee's photo's were actually taken by Steph when she was so dead drunk!
3. And See Yee took a video of me and Steph dancing!
$. Baby and me quarreled. =P

Blah blah blah.. Had such a good laugh today!

After work went to get present then to Clarke Quay look for Baby.

Then they had to talk about that day's happening. And yea, come to know she's been ban. Yes, I'm not happy at all. Why? Cause I want her to get all the bad shit based on what she has done. No doubt she did something wrong. But why did she? Cause of this problem? And who's involved? Me and others. Somehow, it's my fault.

Forget it.

Reached home and I got such a big surprise from mummy.. =)

That was so darn sweet! It's nice! Aww~

Hmm. I'm having a hard time sleeping. Worser than usual.

Somehow words you've said kept running thoough my ears. Memories of everything just kept flashing. And everything, yes everything, just continue to allow the insecurity to worsen.

The day we met.

Things you've done.
Surprises that you've given.
Effort that were shown.
Sacrifices that were made.

Mistakes that were made.
Words that you've said.
Promises that were made and broken.

You did all that to me, when you had her. All the sweet things that were done before our day, you had her. After everything ended, this shit came. Settled it was, but I didn't feel good about everything. You said all that had happened is true. But I'm just afraid..

Did you really mean what you say that day? Or were those words being said in a moment of anger? Were those really the truth? Tell me.. Why are words always being left unspoken?.. It's not suppose to hurt this way..

Everytime I think of the bad shit, somehow it just seems to overrule the good stuffs. And then I'll tell myself I'm just being pessimistic. And it all seems to go away as though I've just burst a bubble. But it does come back..

Sigh~ Everything's gonna be alright. =) It's all gonna be better as the days go by. As long as we're both putting in effort, it'll sure work.

If only good things will never come to an end.
If only there wasn't such thing called dreams.
If only there wasn't such a thing called fake.
If only love was all around..

I love you..

2008-06-19T00:26:00.000-07:00

Work was bored.

Got screamed at at noon. Kinda woke me up a lil. But then again got sleepy after awhile.

Was talking to Christine when Baby popped up ! =D Then went to 'Din Tai Fung' have lunch. Then talked at the usual spot.

Sigh~

I'm just so uncomfortable about everything. I still don't feel good. I just feel uneasy. I don't know what's wrong. I just simply don't know and I hate everything. BITCH!

After work went home..

Then Ter wanted have supper.. Man! I was trying to cut down to weight lah! Duh~ Everyone's like saying I've put on some fair share of weight. Crap!!! Pills pills pills!

Yea. It's already passed midnight so..
HAPPY 2 MONTHS BABY!!!!!!!!!!

Went to drive through Mac cause Ter wanna eat. Then went to look for bean curd. But couldn't find any. Then got some light food for Baby to eat. Went down to his work place surprise him but he didnt seem to be surprised. Duh~

Well I'm glad Baby liked the food. =)

Thanks Ter for sending me over!

Love you Baby..

2008-06-18T07:08:00.000-07:00

Meet up with See Yee and Steph and went clubbing.

Wasn't a pleasant one at all.

Cause they were there. The lians.

And yea. Club half way had to go out talk. Was still ok. We were talking as if we were friends. Shortie could still whisper whisper with me and whatever. Telling me how she wants to make things difficult for him and stuffs. And telling me he has another girl. Sigh~ I don't know man. Don't affect me with such shit.

Then went back to club. Realised See Yee was dead drunk and had to take care of her from there. And yea, didn't dance already. Humph!

Well See Yee was so dead drunk she couldn't walk at all. Lol. Had to call Ter and fetch us home even before club close. SPOILER! Ok fine.. Just when we reached See Yee's place, I received a super devastating text that I didn't know what was the next thing I should do.

I didn't feel good. Had to ask Ter send See Yee back home. And there I was in the car talking on the phone asking for an answer. Fine. Had to go back Clarke Quay sort out some shit DAIJI! Yes. I said what I said.

Yes. Cause once again the problem surfaced and we were settling stuffs like lians and bengs were. We were no different from them and how I despise myself!

I was shock the minute I reached. Shortie asked me : ''I got say I wanna ... ... ... meh? When?'' It was then I realised the power of flipping satay,otah and prata was. You were the one who told me so many shit just now. And it's less then an hour ago! Now you say you never say?!

NEVERMIND!

Then She triggered me.. She went on and on. So innocent. So everything. I blew. I shouted. Shortie shouted back at me. I turned and next thing I know Baby stood infront of me and pulled me back to Ter's car and asked me to stay inside.

Yea. I've never ever shouted in a problem before and this is the first problem that really made me go crazy.

And you ownself wanna interfer you still blame me and said you didn't deserve all this?! Ask yourself. You wanted to be the middle person make peace ok! But why said I was even in the wrong?! And why did you even bother to call people down. Some more guy! I was just me, myself and I alone. One girl! ASS~!

I no longer know what is right and what is wrong.
I no longer know what can I ask for.
I no longer know what I really want.
No longer.. Not anymore..

Why is it that I can't do things you do?

You can run away from my questions and leave me hanging there wondering what is what. But I'm not allowed to. Cause you'll tell me asking me a question and demand for an answer.

Why is it being brought up? Of all times, but in the middle of the quarrel between ya past and current. Why wasn't it being said in previous quarrels? Why now? At this point of time. Did she say anything to make you think and react that way? Am I suppose to think what is obviously being shown? Or believe what you says like always..

It's just so not fair to me..

- HATE THAT I LOVE YOU

[Rihanna:]
As much as I love you
As much as I need you
And I cant stand you
Must everything you do make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for awhile? (No....)

[Ne-Yo:]
You wont let me
You upset me girl
And then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forgive (that I was upset)
Can't remember what you did

[Rihanna:]
But I hate...
You know exactly what to do
So that I cant stay mad at you
For too long thats wrong

[Ne-Yo:]
But I hate...
You know exactly how to touch
So that I dont want to fuss.. and fight no more
Said I despise that i adore you

[Rihanna:]
And i hate how much i love you boy (yeah...)
I cant stand how much I need you (I need you...)
And I hate how much I love you boy (oooh whoa..)
But I just cant let you go
And I hate that I love you so (oooh..)

[Ne-Yo:]
You completely know the power that you have
The only one makes me laugh

[Rihanna:]
Said its not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I..will be under reason why
And it just aint right

[Ne-Yo:]
And I hate how much I love you girl
I cant stand how much I need you (yeah..)
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just cant let you go
But I hate that I love you so[

Both:]
One of these days maybe your magic wont affect me
And your kiss wont make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

[Ne-Yo:]
Yeaahhh...
Oohh...

[Rihanna:]
As much i love you (as much as I need you)
As much as I need you (oooh..)
As much I love you (oh..)
As much as I need you

[Rihanna:]
And I hate that i love you soooo
And I hate how much i love you boy
I cant stand how much I need ya (cant stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just cant let you go (but I just cant let you go no..)
And I hate that I love you so
And I hate that I love you so.. soo.....

2008-06-17T05:51:00.000-07:00

Was considering if I should go to buddy's party not.. Rejected him so many times. Felt so guilty. Promised Brandon and Xiu that I'll go. Anyway I missed the times I clubbed with 'em so often at buddy's party going in by guest's list avoiding the queeue. =p

Well, end up I did go la.To give buddy some support and to accoompany my cuties. =)

I was so super pissed off there. So many lians and craps. Couldn't stand it! I know you are lians and bengs. Cut the stare and dance ya moves. Rock the floor instead of my world. Duh~

Ok. I admit I nearly got into trouble. I wasn't thinking straight. But I just couldn't stand his fucking stupid attitude acting as if he hasn't done anything wrong.

There was this stupid guy who actually peeped up to the podium and looked into my friend's dress. I wanted to guy straight down and gave him a slap. Xiu didn't want me to and keep asking me to relax. The second peep was the last straw. Still Xiu stopped me.

After 3omins I still see him there. I asked Xiu go down dance already. I walked right up to him and dance infront of him. I don't care if you've got 4guys there with you. I don't care if you have tattoos like a shirt. Still you gotta apologise for ya mistakes.

And yea. He could say so loudly to his friends "This kinda thing NO NEED scared one lah!" . But He dance dance dance, Or rather shake shake shake till his back actually faced me. Why? No need scared why can't face me? Must back face me?

Then 5mins later zao!

Don't ever let me see you again. I so regret not slapping you!

Then Ter came to pick me up at 2am. Went over to Baby's work place find him awhile. To ease him a lil else later he worried. Ha! Then went to MOS find stupid SHINE! She ah darn ass. Make me wait like crap when my initial plan was to reach home by 2.30am or 3! Asshole!

2008-06-15T23:23:00.000-07:00

Was having fun talking with Steph and See Yee.

Before Auntie started to make me angry. Don't be an ass lah. Why all of 'em so kan chiong about sales one? I'm not promoting k. Just go grab whatever you want. But all I needed was that basic respect that I deserved and the freedom. Am I even allowed to talk? Why interupt me?

I just don't understand.

Just how much money can you grab with 2 hands? Even if I allow you to carry 3 empty big bags, just how much can you grab with ya hands? Just how much can you fill that 3 big bags? And.. Even if you have all that money, you never know what will happen in the near future. Just how much can you bring into ya grave?

I just don't understand..

'P' once told me: "Who will ever find money too much?"

Is that true?..

Baby came down to find me for lunch! Once again! And Baby bought a present for me. =D Went to have Teppan Yaki for lunch. Ok. I admit I've been eating too much these days. I'm like gaining a hell lotta weight lah!

Plus plus plus! We had Mango mousse cake later on for desert! Well, it's the second time I acually tasted mango? But I have to admnit the cake was quite good. =) Ok. I'm desperate to lose weight!!!! Lexative! Here I come. On top of that I might be buyig supplements from auntie to reduce appetite. =)

Thanks so much Baby for ya present! It's like so darn sweet lah! =)) Love you so much Baby! And thanks for coming down practically everyday! I just love having lunch with you Baby!!!

Left work at only 8pm. Ha. Was chatting happily that I forgot the time. Reach home only at 9pm. Duh~ Had dinner and watch ''Incredible tales". Was so darn scary.. Darn!

And stupid lil Baby was sleeping so comfortably on my bed..

2008-06-14T23:29:00.000-07:00

Today was a happy day! =)

Worked half day only till 3pm. Told Mary I was leaving and she like "Ok loh ok loh just leave. I know one lah you!" I was like duh ~!

Was about to leave when I forget to top up my ez-link card and but Baby's lens solution. Went back to Guardian to get it and then to 7eleven to top my card. I was super lazy lah!

Then took a bus down to Dohby Ghaut. Meet Baby there to watch movie. =) Thanks Baby for sleeping lesser just to meet me up for movie. Love you!

Was kinda lame lah. The ending was totally crap! It's like they're already in a fight! Know? It's like to the most extrema already? When you actually get really really angry and stuffs? And a hug can actually make you start thinking and resolve all the shit and make you become good again?

If only it happens in real life. Everyone will start hugging one another to resolve problems? =P

Then send Baby to work then went back home. See! I've been such a good girl. Duh~ Smoking lesser and not even going to parties.

Ah. Sorry Buddy. For once again not going to ya event! =( And yea stupid dumb dumb, Pai say also for rejecting you to club. Ha!

Well, so I was at home watching TV. Was channel hoping when I stopped at HBO. They were showing "It's a Girl Boy Thing". Was darn nice la! Oh man~

Though there were minor stuffs here and there that irritated me, but yea, I love today! Cause Baby was so super sweet and cute today! He's nice everyday, but nicest today! =P

2008-06-13T23:34:00.000-07:00

Was so bored at work. And yeap, once again we started to take photos again! Laughs! And this time it's more funny lah. Don't know why too. =)

When I always look at Christine, I'm always filled with envy. Cause somehow she's found somehow who doesn't mind her flaws and practically treats her like a baby! Yes, no doubt she's really like a baby! The way she talk and stuffs, duh~ =)

Baby came down to find me lunch. =) Went with Christine, Aiin and See Yee.

After that wanted to go get lash glue but they don't have the kind that I want. Darn. Then went shopping for a lil while before Baby go to work.

I just realised again that we're both so darn sticky to each other. =P *Laughs* Cause the minute Baby leaves I just simply misses his presence. =( God! Lol~

Hmm. Home after work. Boring!

Buddy was asking me down to his party tomorrow! Will be lotsa fun! But I doubt I'll be going. =( Later Baby sure worry! Drink one for one. Free flow 1.30-2.30. Aww crap~ And yes.. Lotsa drunk people like what happened that time. =P No no. Think I'll give it a miss..

Plus I don't know if I wanna go to another of his event on the 17th. How to go when I'm going the next day again on the Wed? I'm be dead beat. Don't know. Ha!

Hmm. So as usual I was stoning. Then I couldn't stand it I went out to smoke.

As I open my pack I was so darn happy! Cause I smoke less then 10sticks today. Maybe only like 7sticks? =)

Was thinking through quite a few stuffs..

Ling was right. Thanls dearie! This can't go on. Cause the one suffering is gonna be me. They'll be thinking I'm stupid. Why allow them to be happy when I'm not being appreciated of and being bad mouthed? Conclusion? I'm not loaning anymore cash out. I'm sick and tired of the problems I'm facing when they're not being automatic?

Sigh~

Then again back to the same old shit. I can't seem to get her outta my brain. I don't understand why is she so persistent in hurting me. Christine was so right. I shouldn't have even smiled! What the hell was I even thinking. Darn~

When is all this shit gonna stop?..

But no doubt. Even though shit is happening, good things are also happening. I have friends who still dote on me. And of cause, I have Baby to love me too. =) I love you Baby!...

2008-06-12T23:08:00.000-07:00

Thanks Ima. Somehow you were the only one who knew and saw the sudden change of my mood and knew something wasn't quite right there after she left. Well, thanks for asking what's wrong and tried cheering me up. =)

Yes. Some how you don't seem to be doing what you preach and you ain't what you say you are.

Everyone's like that. When you ask for something, you want that person to do it no matter what. But think again, have you thought of how would you be reacting if you were the one being asked for something? You'll start giving excuses, thinking of all sorts of crap just to reject that someone.

And yes, have you spared a thought for that person that you're asking something from and thinking that she/he might be thinking the way you think?

It's all bullshit.

Spare a thought for others? Who will? When you say something, have you cared how that person feels? When you do something, have you thought how it might affect others? When you show something, have you even think how that person might react?

Take it for example. Your enemy is at work. You're always losing out. But now there's a chance to get her into trouble cause there's always a boss there to screw her if things go wrong. Won't you do it?

Trust me. You will.. I've been through that shit. And most of you guys will do it.

Sigh~

I don't believe you have to be mean to get things done your way. I don't believe we have to resort to such ways do we? Perhaps someday that person might just realise how nice you are and decides to be nice?.. Perhaps.. If only..

I spare a thopught for you but who will for me?

I allowed you stupid idiots to continue ya shit when there's so much I can do but I'm not doing. How'd you feel if you were me then? So much all for love..

2008-06-11T05:46:00.000-07:00

Club was fun fun fun!!!

Was with See Yee and friends, Freda and friends and Stella and friends.

Though it was kinda crappy here and there. Overall we enjoyed yea?! Was really cool and fun! I enjoyed myself so darn much!

And yes, it happened in Zouk, it happened in MOS and now it's happening in Arena! Why are all her fans all over the clubs in Sg! For the 194274 times I'm saying this, I'm Emilynn! Not Jolin! Crap. I was dancing infront of See Yee's friend when she suddenly said I looked like her. Yes. You're know my reaction one la. It's like not again!!!! That was what Alvin suddenly tell me when we were drinking by the bar at MOS! -_-"

__

I love you guys!

2008-06-11T05:41:00.001-07:00

I screamed at him! I shouted at him. I threw obcenities at him! For calling the wrong number. Mummy ran into the room. I put the phone down. I stone for a lil while. I cried. Ha! Yes! I got angry I shouted. I got sad I cried. Can I?!

Hmm. Baby's sick. He's unwell. I do have a lot of questions. I do have lots to say. But I'm not doing it, for fear of irritating you. I'm not texting you after the call. I'm not calling you after that call. For fear of disrupting ya sleep. I admit I don't know how to express myself.

It's not that I don't care.

I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm going crazy soon. I wanna throw my temper. I wanna throw tantrums. Cause I'm not geting the things I want and things are not going the way I want it to. Things are happening at the wrong time and I hate it so much. I'm hating everything. EVERYTHING!

If only I have beauty and intelligence.
Fame and popularity.
Character and personality.

Why am I born ugly? Why am I born stupid? Why can't I have that lil bit of everything. Just a lil.. I can't seem to express myself. In everything.. Life's boring. Life's stupid. Make you go through all the shit. And making you choose yourself or others. Making life diifficult for you.

I'm irritated! I'm pissed. I want things to go MY way!

Somehow I feel that the things that I've been doing are so similar to hers. The recent crying behind the scene. The laughter and everything infront of everybody. I eat alot when I want to. And nothing at all when I don't want to.

Anyway, Thanks for coming down buddies! I just realised you both know each other! And what a timely visit from the both of you. =) One at a time! I was really touched. Thanks.. Thanks for lunch!

What for carry on when nothing is enjoyable? Why make oneself go through all the shit yea? I use to think she was selfish. She ended everything not sparing a thought for people around her who loves her. Then again now I find her smart. Everyone hated her in school. She wasn't being seen as normal. She choose to spare herself from all the agony. I'm glad I was the only you called before you left. But then again I hated you. You showed me how much you care for me as a friend, then again to leave me here alone in this world. You showed me I was the only friend you had, but to leave me very soon after.

Once in awhile I still think of you and tear for you, I still miss the times we went for dance lessons. I avoided everyone and anyone. Everyone who constantly trying to lick my ass time and again. But you were different. I miss learning dance with you. I miss you standing beside me. I miss you doing all that act of yours. I hated, as well as love ya courage.. =)

Yes I'm procrastinating. I'm complaining. I'm bitching. I'm doing all I wanna do cause I haven't been doing things I wanna do for my sake. =) Allow me please.

I miss you Baby. Hope you're feeling better. And shit I don't wanna go to club today! Arghh~ They're gonna screw me up if I don't. Shit. I hate it..

2008-06-09T23:58:00.000-07:00

Was so bored. Talked to my 'Xiao Bai'. Well I just call her that cause She's like so darn fair! And I'm so jealous about it. Ha! So doubt, we were busy cam-whoring and busy acting cute. Nothing better to do I admit. =P

Talked with Ima before I went off to meet Baby. Well, I just realised everyone do have a sad story to tell. And hers was no better than mine. As much as I sympatise with her and hope for a change in all the shit, but at times it has become a fact and nobody can change nor do anything about it, but to live with it.

Well, she was much more stronger than I am. Much more! If I was her, I guess I'll be dead by then. Not even trying to live with that shit, and continue life alone..

On my way there I met this auntie. Well, I was pissed cause someone acctually got up leaving an empty seat behind. And this stupid idiot could just seat knowing there's this poor old auntie holding on to her lugguage waiting for a seat.

Then she actually talked to me asking of this train was heading towards Pasir Ris. I smiled and nodded. Well, she was really nice. Everytime she looked at me, she'll definately smile. =) And when she finally got a seat, she actually asked if I wanted to seat! Crap hell no! How nice.. Aww~

Watched 'Kung Fu Panda' with Baby. Then went home.

Thanks Baby for taking the time to watch it with me when you're so tired. =) Love you Baby..

At times I do ask myself if all these are for real. It's all too good to be true? Lyn and Vid left Paragon. Than came Freda, Stella, Ima, Karnia, Aiin, Xiao Bai and Steph. I'm starting to love all this shit that's happening..

Everyone loves and dote on me like a lil sis. Thanks Ima for telling me how much you trust and liked me. It was really comforting. As well as Freda who trusted me and protecting me like an elder sister. =) And blah blah blah... You guys made working in Paragon so so so nice~! And yes, I'm loving it! For being the youngest! =P

I wish upon the stars that all the happiness will last though I know all good things will eventually come to an end..

2008-06-08T23:28:00.000-07:00

Was with Baby THE WHOLE DAY!

I had him by my side all the way.. =) If only it would last..

Was watching "P.S I Love You". She said one thing : " What's the point of working, what's the point of doing and having everything when he's not around anymore?" How true can it be?.. So very.. .. ..

There wouldn't be a reason for anything when that special someone isn't around anymore.

I miss having you around to hug me to sleep.
I miss having you around to cover the blanky for me.
I miss having you around to prepare the tub for me.
I miss having you around to feed me.
I miss having you around to sayang me.
I miss having you around asking if I'm cold, want this, want that?
I miss having you around to take care of me.
I just miss having you around me..
I just can't get enough of you.. =P

2008-06-07T22:14:00.000-07:00

Karnia, Aiin and me. =)

Met up with Baby to sent him to work. That blur king can go back to sleep even though I wake him up at 4.30pm myself wthout him telling me. Than was waiting for him call me back. But till 6pm no answer I called back. And yea, to me super big surprise he was sleeping. =)

Early I know I don't call him let him late. Ok. That was mean. Heh~

Miss you so much Baby! =)

2008-06-06T23:34:00.000-07:00

Aiin texted me early in the morning with her trouble. Had to cheer her up and stuffs. Well, the way she texts me, so often and stuffs really freaks me out! Ok. Probably she just feels alone? No doubt she's nice so far I have to admit. =)

Auntie Nora called me! =) Well she was just telling me about how crappy her sales were at Expo and stuffs. Tell me stuffs about whatever whatever.. Yea. She misses me. =P Ha~ Miss you too auntie. And I simply miss the times we use to smoke together and you singing 'Smack That'! Ha! That was really cute and fun.

I love you girls! =)

I don't know why am I getting all the scoldings today. Was suppose to be a good day since I'm sleeping in my room now? Step outta house after joking with brother?

After that that all went wrong. Even after reaching home mummy gimme fuck face just cause I hang out a lil later. Kor had to shout at me?

Whatever. I somehow seems to be everybody's punching bag to vent their anger and stuffs. And I know you guys will punch me if you guys could.

Yes yes. Continue with all you guy's stupid abusive language to me k?

And yea. I thought later of the day would be better?

She had to come along. And before she leave she had to call me 'jian'. As in like 'Slut'?..
1. Why did you have to say that after turning ya head away from me?
2. Why are you still feeling so bitter?
3. In what way am I a slut? Did I snatch ya bf?
4 . Why why why?..

I asked her not to call you k! I was the one who prevented things from happening though I wanted ALL the things to happen to you in EVERY way! I tried to forgive and forget even though I was reluctant to just let it go cause I wasn't in the wrong in ANY way!!! I was being kiddish for thing that way I admit. But edn up I DIDN'T do anything yea?

It's gonna happen once, it's gonna happen twice. If it does it's gonna happen everytime we see each other. And am I suppose to just forgive and forget about it everytime it happens then? Am I suppose to Pretend not to hear it and PRETEND to be happy when ya abusive language to me was so darn hurtful?

I can't do anything and I can't bare to do anything. She's still young everybody tells me. But she's 18 I'm also 18. You spare a thought for her and says she's young. Then who spare a thought for me that I'm also 18 and my feelings were being hurt in her process of being stupidly childish?

The world's not fair.

Yea. Learn to love everything.
1. Learn to love how they screw me.

Gotta go sign courses to learn to listen things the opposite. So when people say 'I hate you', you'll hear 'I love you'. And when they call you a slut, you'll hear them saying you're an angel. =) Then the wórld would be so much more lovely without any sadness yea?

forget it...

Was Stella's last day today. Freda's leaving soon too.

I'm missing
Samantha
Christine
Annabelle
Auntie Nora
Maybelline
Vid
Stella

Blah blah blah. Haiyo, i miss working with 'em!

2008-06-05T21:43:00.000-07:00

All of 'em seems to be saying I'm obsessed with him!

I've got no idea why. Crap.

To that extend they don't wanna call me out already cause they says it's not nice. That was what dear dear told me. Eeyer! You use to invite me to every parties you have! I'll definately be on the list for sure. Now I gotta ask you. Crap.

Girlies still call me out. But once in awhile. Crap leh!

Nevermind. I still love you darlings! Cindy, Shine, Yen, Ling, Serena, Samantha.

2008-06-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

THE ARENA!

Was there with Sandy and Pauline. =) Usual kakis didn't call or sms. Nevermind. You'll call me back one day..

I use to like MOS. It just seems more fun there? And everyone just like to hang out there. But after going to Arena, somehow I just don't wanna leave for MOS anymore? Friends wll be like let's go MOS. And I'll be like huh?..

And I just realised why is this so..

Cause Baby's there? =) I can't explain why is it so but the reason is that simple lo. =p

But yea I'll still go at times. Cause darlings wanna go! Then bo bian la. But I always make it a point to go back to Arena. Heh~

Well, had a talk with Ter...

Somehow probably cause we use to quarrel alot, talk alot, and hang out alot, he just simply know me inside out. Knows my stuffs and all.

He said..

You're not naive. You know it one. It's whether you wanna wake up and face the truth not.

I don't know man. Yea maybe. All along I've been pretending and hiding away from the reality. Telling myself it's all not true when things have already happened. Ok. So he knows... And yes, you couldn't be more shock when he said that. I didn't know I was like that?

WHATEVER!

I miss you baby. And I hate you for calling me by name. =p Mr Desmond.. =)

2008-06-03T23:29:00.000-07:00

Baby popped out again!!!!!

Eating ice cream like a lil baby... =P

Went to get lunch? Then talked a lil. Blah blah blah. Then Baby left for work liao.. =( But I decided I should drop by! Heh~

Bought Famous Amos cookie for dearie incase he'll be hungry again later cause he had his meal early. After that rushed home. Was planning to sleep early but I failed..

Hmm...

I'm telling myself this..

The past doesn't concerns me.

I may not be his hottest compared to his previous..
I may not be his sweetest compared to his previous..
I may not be his cutest compared to his previous..

Simply put it,
I may not his bestest compared to his previous..

Though I do feel inferior,
But I'm just hoping that I'm the one he loves most now! =)

Anyway, agent stressing me with stupid shit. Had a lil arguement with him. Indirectly telling him I'm giving up. And yea, we're both not really happy. So I guess I'm not leaving for good afterall? =) Happy ending..

Well, he asked me one Q. Where I got totally freaked out. Rejected him without thinking. And yea, it just ended there. I don't care if I can't be a model. I don't care if I'm not any cover girl for any shit. You were wrong about me after all?..

Ter was right to say that I'll rather choose happiness over money.

For now happiness is right in my hands. And I'm not jeopardising it for money. Just F off won't you?!

2008-06-01T01:26:00.000-07:00

First day of a new month.. =)

Was at work.

Went shopping with Kania at Metro. Saw this really nice shoe but it didn't have my size! Darn.. Well it did have my size. But not the right colour! Was in silver instead of black. Crap. Then saw this really nice shoe again! Costs 60bucks? So tempting to buy! I'm gonna think about it first. Ha!

After that Freda called. Went out to meet her. Then we decided to go to Raffles City to look for her friend and have lunch. Was about to reach the MRT station when Stella called. So waited for her there and went there together. =)

Somehow i just manage to spill things out. I didn't know why I trusted 'em so much. Probably it was because I was being told things that they wouldn't even tell to their friends for twenty over years..

It's not what you think. You know nuts about me. And I don't feel comfortable sharing. You might tell me then if you don't share how are we gonna work things out?

Everyone has a story behind 'em. And some has a sad story to tell..

It's because of past incidents that made people scared of certain things, afraid to do certain things? It has become a phobia? It aint an easy to thing to get rid off. People might still go ahead doing stuffs thay're afraid, but they don't feel comfortable at all.

I don't know...

All of 'em who knew thought I've put this past behind me. No. It's been bothering me. How everything happened..

... ... ...

I'm sorry I couldn't put these behind me and enjoy good times in life and making you suffer as a result.

Well I had a great time out with Freda and Stella with Baby beside me. =) Well, they're really nice people. If only Maybeline and Vid were still at Paragon. It'll be of more fun and laughter. But yea, I still enjoyed being with 'em.

Thanks Baby! Well, felt that Baby was kinda bored? But he still pretended to make me happy? Or was I thnking too much?

Baby, I really appreciate ya presence! It wouldn't be the same without you! Love you Baby.. And yes! You flare up again today! =/

I miss ya hugs.. =p